


How to Seduce James Kirk: A Step-By-Step Guide by Leonard McCoy

by blackat_t7t



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Attempted Seduction, Bedside Hand-Holding, Bedside Vigils, M/M, Vulcan Kisses, Wooing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-25
Updated: 2010-04-25
Packaged: 2019-08-03 07:12:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16321556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackat_t7t/pseuds/blackat_t7t
Summary: Spock enlists McCoy's assistance in wooing one Captain James T. Kirk.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Imported from LiveJournal on 10/16/2018. Originally titles "Steps to Love".
> 
> Original Notes:  
> Inspired by [](https://ragdoll987.livejournal.com/profile)[**ragdoll987**](https://ragdoll987.livejournal.com/)  's [Bragging Rights](http://ragdoll987.livejournal.com/11747.html) and [Veggie Girl](http://www.ksarchive.com/viewuser.php?uid=868) 's [In Another Life](http://www.ksarchive.com/viewstory.php?sid=1029) and, more specifically, it's sequal, [Tomorrow](http://www.ksarchive.com/viewstory.php?sid=1214&warning=1). Both of these lovely stories center around Kirk realizing his affections for Spock and figuring out how to pursue him, with it being revealed at the end that Spock had realized before Kirk that he liked him, and asked McCoy to help get him. This is the reversal, only with an original premise. Obviously. Aslo, betaed by the wonderful [](https://cozibizzle.livejournal.com/profile)[](https://cozibizzle.livejournal.com/)**cozibizzle**!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock contemplates how his feelings for Kirk have evolved since their first meeting, and considers what he will do next.

Starfleet Commander Spock had first become aware of one Cadet James T. Kirk during the Kobiyashi Maru test. Running the test had long since become routine, even dull. Spock had seen every tactic that test-takers employed, several times over. So there was nothing unusual about this particular incidence, save perhaps the fact that the ‘captain’ had already taken it twice before. It was not something Spock had considered in depth at the time, as his being accustomed to proctoring the test had caused him to cease in contemplating the unique aspects of each crew. They all employed the same strategies, in the end.

In retrospect, he should have known that a cadet taking the test three times was note-worthy. Such obstinacy, though he had not perceived it at the time, marked a resolve and tenacity of will that were to be admired. Though when Spock had discovered that the person possessing these qualities had somehow beaten his test, it certainly wasn’t admiration he had felt.

No, it was indignation that Spock had felt, insofar as Vulcans could be said to feel anything. He was righteously angry that someone had cheated on his test, embarrassed that he had not noticed it, and offended that Starfleet hadn’t thrown the young man out on the spot. In short, his pride was wounded.

And like a wounded animal, Spock had struck out at the young man, in the most effective way possible. It had not been entirely honorable to bring Kirk’s father into the argument. It was, as humans say, a ‘low blow.’ He had learned for himself just how low when Kirk had employed the same tactic to reveal that he was emotionally compromised.

In the ensuing battle, there had been many times that Spock had gone so far as to doubt Kirk’s sanity. But the man’s courage could never be scrutinized. The battle onboard the Narada had vastly changed Spock’s opinion of the young man. Rather than a ‘cheater,’ he had come to see that Kirk would use any method, however unconventional or even seemingly dishonorable, if it meant keeping his crew and the innocent inhabitants of other planets safe.

In all honesty, even without the prompting of his future self, Spock had wanted to get closer to Kirk. The man’s mind worked in a way that was utterly perpendicular to everything Spock had ever known. And yet, he couldn’t deny the effectiveness of that thought process. He wanted to learn how the man thought, how he came to the conclusions he did.

Spock had not believed that Starfleet would give James Kirk command of a starship. The young man had yet to even graduate from Starfleet Academy, let alone hold any of the several subordinate ranks most captains had worked through before attaining their positions. No, Spock had imagined that getting close to Kirk would mean humbling himself and speaking to him between classes at the Academy. He anticipated it with some chagrin, but was nevertheless determined to go through with it.

When Starfleet had given Kirk the position of Captain of the Enterprise –most likely to show the citizens of Earth and other planets that they were properly rewarding the Cadets who had saved Earth- Spock had, most illogically, immediately desired to take up the position he was offered as First Officer. Afterwards, however, he had considered his position in more depth. His planet was destroyed, with billions dead and several thousand without a home. Though his father was an ambassador, Spock had spent more time with humans, and he had authority from his position at Starfleet Academy and as one of the heroes of the Narada battle. He would have been a great asset to the Vulcan people, in negotiating with Starfleet to find a new planet for the survivors.

This was where the advice of his future self had begun to influence him. The friendship he had promised was to be life-changing, one that would define them both. Spock already desired to know Kirk, but if their friendship was to be so important to both of them, how could he let it slip by? There were others to serve as Ambassadors for Vulcan, including his own future self. He was, if he could say as much, leaving his people in capable hands. If Spock himself could be with them, then he should not feel any guilt over acting selfishly.

So it was settled. His older self would assist the people of Vulcan in finding a new home, and he would serve on the Enterprise, using his free time to get closer to his new Captain.

In planning, it had been perfect. In practice, much less so. Spock had no idea of how to approach the man he had contended with on so many occasions. He had no idea what Kirk though of him, whether seeing him as a potential friend, simply another member of his crew, or even a rival. Moreover, Spock had very little experience in social situations. It was one thing to want to become friends with Kirk. It was quite another to actually approach him and talk with him.

So Spock had simply waited, observing the Captain as he did. What he awaited, he did not know. Perhaps he hoped Kirk would make the first move. It would certainly remove some of the pressure from him if he did. But so far Kirk had treated Spock as he would any other member of his crew of hundreds. Spock was forced to wonder if he hadn’t made a mistake in this. Was a possible friendship worth embarrassing himself by approaching someone so socially adept with his own awkward and fumbling social skills? Or should he simply put an end to this endeavor and go about his duties as First Officer?

Such was the position in which Spock currently found himself, as he lay on his bed weighing the pros and cons of his current endeavor. His internal debate had come to an impasse. To watch Kirk and try, every time he saw the man, to gather up the courage necessary to approach him, only to have his opening cut off before he could actually make a move, was tiresome, and yielded very little. He was beginning to wonder how long he could continue like this, before the mental and emotional toll began affecting his work.

Unable to make a logical argument either way, he summoned up a mental image of Kirk –Jim, as he’d been told to call him on 37 occasions in the past two months. The image was of Jim’s face in his characteristic grin, the one he always wore when speaking to his fellow crew members when off duty. Spock wished that the grin would be directed towards him. Whenever Spock did manage to speak with him, whether they were on duty or off, it was always about work, and Jim was always entirely serious.

Spock indulged in a brief moment of illogicality, and allowed himself to imagine Jim’s warm smile directed towards him. Perhaps he had just said something to amuse the Captain, or perhaps Jim had said something clever and was awaiting his response. Either way, the thought of that grin, just for him, made a strange but not unpleasant warmth spread through Spock’s body. Intrigued, he took his fantasy a step further.

He pictured the two of them in Kirk’s private rooms. He had never had the occasion to enter them as yet, but he imagined they would be similar to his own, if a bit more spacious. He pictured them seated together on a long, low couch like the one in his own chambers, talking comfortably. It was surprising to Spock, how easily his mind formed the image of him speaking to a man he’d had so much difficulty approaching in reality.

The mental conversation took a sudden and unintended shift. Rather than being seated at the other end of the couch, Kirk was suddenly next to him, leaning in close enough for Spock to feel the other man’s breath against his skin as he whispered something indistinct in a low voice.

Spock shot up in bed, the mental image shattered. He was aware of a stirring in his groin, and his breath was coming in heavy gasps. His body felt more heated than usual and his heart rate had increased by 37%. Spock sat on his bed, body slumped forward and hands pressed over his face as he struggled to push the images and sensations from his mind. They resurfaced again and again, always something different. Sometimes the image of Jim’s usual grin twisted into a smirk. Other times the feeling of warm breath against his face or neck, or the sound of a husky voice whispering indecipherable things. This was most disturbing.

When he had managed to force these things from his mind entirely, Spock employed his Vulcan training to calm his body and his mind, so that he could consider what had happened. The change in his mental conversation with the Captain had not been intentional. His inability to control it troubled him greatly, but that lapse in control seemed to have brought to the forefront of his mind something that had hitherto remained on a subconscious level. Although it was something he had never consciously considered, the actions of his subconscious mind and body were undeniable evidence: he was sexually attracted to James T. Kirk.


	2. Step 0- Make a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock seeks Dr. McCoy's assistance in addressing his attraction to Kirk.

To say that Spock took less time to decide upon his next move than he normally would have, and perhaps in this case should have, would be an understatement. In his own defense, he had spent the six previous months in cautious planning, and this tactic had yet to produce any results. Perhaps it was time for a somewhat rash action.

That wasn’t to say he hadn’t considered it at all, of course. It is impossible for a Vulcan to act so illogically.

After he had realized, rather abruptly, his own sexual attraction towards his Captain, Spock had considered many things. For one, it was most illogically to be attracted to a member of the same sex, as there was no chance of reproduction. That would be pointless under normal circumstances, but when the Vulcan population had been so drastically reduced, it was tantamount to betrayal of his race not to reproduce.

However, T’Pring had been killed in the destruction of Vulcan, and there were no Vulcan women here, and he and Nyota had ended their relationship amicably only a month after they had come to serve on the Enterprise. Since then, he had not been approached by any female members of the crew. It was also unlikely, considering his own childhood, that a ¼ Vulcan child would be readily accepted by his race, even with the population so depleted. At this point in time, it was unlikely that he would find a suitable female mate, and as such, there was no crime in pursuing a sterile union.

The next thing to consider was Kirk himself. The realization of his attraction to the man did not change the current situation: Spock had no idea of Kirk’s feelings towards him. He had yet to ascertain whether Kirk saw him as a potential friend, much less a potential bond-mate. Moreover, Kirk’s sexual conquests had been infamous at the Academy and none of them, to Spock’s admittedly limited knowledge, had been men. In the time since he had become Captain of the Enterprise, Spock had seen Kirk in the company of several beautiful women, both human and alien. Never had he seen the Captain alone with another man.

After much consideration, Spock decided that this was irrelevant. Once he had approached Kirk as a friend, he could find an opportunity to broach the subject. If his sentiments were not returned, he would not press the matter.

This still left the issue of approaching Kirk. In six months of attempts, Spock had been unsuccessful in initiating more than a few, admittedly disappointing, work-related discussions. When he had made this realization, he had been on the verge of abandoning his efforts. Now he was more certain than ever before that he could not.

Yet despite his renewed conviction, Spock still had no idea of how to approach the man. His previous efforts had yielded nothing, and he did not know what else to do. It was time to seek advice.

This was, perhaps, the most rash decision Spock had ever made, save the one to join Starfleet and some made during the Narada battle. And even this he considered with great care.

Whom could he approach for advice on Kirk? There were precisely 846 crew members on the Enterprise, but few had regular interactions with the Captain. Those who conversed with him most often were the members of alpha shift who served in the bridge. He could not speak to Nyota of this; he did not know how she would receive the information that he was pursuing a romantic relationship with another. Aside from Nyota, there were few people on the Enterprise, save a few in the science department that Kirk did not regularly converse with, whom Spock knew well enough to approach casually.

The next logical step was to consider whom Kirk knew well. That was undoubtedly Dr. Leonard McCoy, who had been a close friend of Kirk’s even in their time at the Academy. However, McCoy seemed to dislike Spock, though he did not know why. The man was unlikely to assist him in any way. He would have to find another person.

After considering several others, Spock finally resigned himself to the fact that no one would be able to direct him on how to approach James Kirk as well as Dr. McCoy could. No matter how unlikely it was that he would receive any assistance from the doctor, there was no one in a better position to advise him.

At precisely 19:48, Spock knocked upon the door of Dr. McCoy’s office. The medbay was, fortunately, empty of patients at that point in time, and Nurse Chapel had left just as Spock arrived, bidding him good-night on her way. They would be no one to overhear the conversation, should it devolve into one of the doctors seemingly interminable strings of shouts and curses.

A muffled voice gave him permission to enter the office. McCoy looked up from a glass of Romulan ale and scowled. “What do you want? My shift’s ended.”

“Doctor, you are of course aware of Romulan ale’s illegal status?” Spock could not restrain himself from pointing it out.

“It that all you came up here for?” McCoy poured more ale into the half-emptied glass. “I’m well aware of it, and I don’t give a damn. You can leave now, unless you’re planning on having me thrown in the brig for it.”

Spock considered it, for just a moment. Then he dismissed the thought. “No, Doctor. I came to request your aid in a matter of some personal importance.”

“I’m a doctor, not a counselor. Go away.”

“I am aware of your status. However, you are also the person on the Enterprise who is closest to our Captain, and that is the basis on which I am approaching you.”

“Jim, huh?” The doctor took a gulp of the blue liquid. “What’s he done this time?”

“Nothing.”

“Then what the hell are you coming to me for?”

“I would like your advice in how to interact with him in such a way as to begin a friendship and possible romantic relationship.”

McCoy lifted the glass to his face and stared at it suspiciously. “This stuff must be stronger than I thought, because I could’ve sworn you just asked me to help set you up with Jim Kirk.”

“I did,” Spock said, straight-faced.

“In that case, I wish it were stronger.” The doctor threw back what remained in the glass.

“Doctor?” Spock had not gotten a response yet, and he did not believe it was simply because the doctor was too drunk to comprehend. He wondered if the stalling boded good or ill for his cause. Certainly the lack of invectives was uncharacteristic, almost to the point of being disquieting.

The doctor set the glass aside and, resting his elbows on the table and folding his hands in front of his face, frowned at the desk. Spock waited, silent, as the doctor considered. Minutes passed, and it seemed to Spock that they lasted longer than usual, though he could not explain the sentiment. Finally McCoy looked up at Spock and spoke.

“Why Jim?”

“Excuse me?” When he’d first entered the room, Spock had assumed this conversation would end with McCoy swearing and sending Spock from his office. When he’d put so much through into it, Spock had considered for a moment that the doctor might be willing to help him. He had not expected to be questioned about his request.

“Why would you want someone like Jim? You don’t even like him.”

Spock wondered if everyone had this impression. If McCoy believed it, it was likely that Jim, his closest friend, did as well. He would have to disabuse them both of the notion. “He has many admirable qualities. He is courageous, and loyal; he cares deeply for his crew. He is a singularly passionate individual, and-”

“Not that!” McCoy cut him off with a sharp gesture. “I mean why Kirk romantically.”

“That,” Spock began, but then paused for a moment, considering his answer. He could not think of what to say; his attraction to Kirk was not something he could logically explain. “That, I do not know.”

“Finally something you don’t know!” Spock’s eyebrow rose.

“Doctor, will you assist me in this endeavor or not?”

The doctor frowned and considered again for a moment. Spock continued to wait. “I’ll help,” he said at last. “Because I think it might be good for him, to have some one so logical around him. And maybe for you, too.”

“I?” Spock arched his eyebrow again. He was surprised that the doctor had agreed to help him, and curious as to the reason.

“Yes, you. Make you act a little more human, if you take my meaning.”

The corners of Spock’s lips titled downward ever so slightly. “Doctor, you said you would assist.”

“I did.” McCoy poured himself another glass of Romulan ale and took a gulp from it. “You want advice on him?”

“Indeed.” This was fortunate; it seemed that he would finally be given the advice and procedure necessary to pursue the person who had captures his interest. “How should I approach him?”

McCoy sighed and passed a hand over his face. When he spoke, his words did not seem to be directed to Spock, as though he were thinking aloud. “Jim always has so many women around. It’s going to get him into trouble with Starfleet if he’s not careful. And if he weren’t always running off with every alien woman who batted her lashes at him, he’d be a more responsible captain.”

“Doctor?”

“Yes, yes, I’m getting to it!” McCoy frowned. “First off, you need to stop acting like you’re still angry about the whole Kobayashi Maru trial and all.”

“Vulcans do not get angry,” Spock replied automatically, then added, “Moreover, I have no reason to be angry. Kirk’s mentality of always being able to find a solution was what allowed him to save the Earth.”

“Yes, but everyone thinks you are, including Jim. He thinks you can’t stand serving under him; that you want a better captain. Someone who won’t get himself into so much trouble.”

Spock feared that his frown at this was obvious. His immediate thought was to object, and defend himself against the accusation. But he knew from experience that McCoy got some sort of pleasure from getting an emotional reaction from him. Besides, there were more important things to ask.

“Kirk believes this as well?”

McCoy glared at him. “Didn’t I just say that? Would it kill you to be a bit nicer? You’ll have to, if you want anything to do with him.”

“How should I accomplish this?”

“Do I have to explain everything? I liked it better when you had all the answers!” McCoy drank what was left in his glass. When he lowered it, his emotions seemed to have calmed. This was fortunate, as Spock had found the outburst unsettling. “Try sitting with him at lunch, or something. You’re both intelligent enough, even if Kirk never acts like it. Did you know he got a perfect score on all of his midterm exams his last year? I’m sure you can find something to talk about.”

“A perfect score?” Spock echoed. This was most intriguing. He had known that there were a few besides himself who had managed to achieve this, but he would not have expected Kirk to be one of them.

“Only that one time, because he was under dorm arrest for some kind of bar fight. He’d probably be as smart as you, if he didn’t waste his time drinking and chasing girls.”

This was fascinating, but it was not McCoy whom Spock wanted to question about it. He hoped to have the chance to ask Kirk himself. For now, Spock decided, it was better to inquire further about how to go about forming a relationship.

“After I have done this, what should be the next step?”

“After he doesn’t think you hate him?” McCoy said dryly, glaring briefly in Spock’s direction before pouring himself another glass of ale. “Then try being his friend.”

“How-” But McCoy cut him off before Spock could finish the question

“It’s simple enough!” He took a sip from the glass. “Jim is a very open person; he likes just about everyone. Even you.”

Spock did not ask about this. It was most likely another ploy to get him to show emotion.

“After that, you should tell him to stay away from women, and lay off the alien liquor a bit. Might actually work, coming from both of us. After that, it should be simple enough.”

“What should be simple?” Spock wished the doctor would speak clearly.

“Flirting! Making a move! Propositioning! Seducing! Take your pick.”

Spock waited until the doctor had calmed down sufficiently before asking further. “How should I do this?”

McCoy gave a long-suffering sigh and took another gulp of his ale before speaking. “Once he’s not thinking about women, you need to get him…”

The doctor made a vague gesture. “Thinking, about you. And be subtle, in case he doesn’t respond positively. If he does, you can do more. If he doesn’t, though, you don’t want him to realize what you’re doing. It could cause real problems in your working relationship, if he knows you feel one way and he doesn’t feel the same.”

“How will I know if he’s responding positively?”

“From what he does or says, you’ll know. Well,” McCoy added, “Maybe not you. Tell me what he does, and I’ll tell you, then.”

“And if he does respond positively?” It was logical to ask about this possibility as well. It was most certainly not logical to not want to think about the possibility that he might respond negatively.

“Confront him. Tell him it’s not his imagination, or something, and that you really like him. After that… well, Jim gets bored easily. You’ll have to make sure he won’t leave. Now,” McCoy poured himself another glass. “Get out of my office.”

Spock was more than willing to oblige.


	3. Step 1- Spend More Time with Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock implements the first step of the plan.

Spock had experienced fear many times. He had felt it when he and Kirk had mistakenly beamed to the bridge of the Narada, and when the Enterprise had become trapped within the pull of the black hole.

Spock knew that fear was not a purely emotional feeling, and that it was thus beyond his ability to completely control. He knew that ‘fear’ was a word for the natural response of the body to life-threatening situations, caused by the release of hormones that triggered the ‘fight or flight’ response, allowing for shorter reaction times and increased strength and stamina. Such a physical response was logical when a person was in danger.

Thus, Spock was perplexed by the fear he felt when trying to approach his Captain. There was no threat to his life, or his well-being, or that of anyone else. It was most illogical in this situation.

Nonetheless, as Spock stood in the mess hall, surreptitiously watching Kirk choose a table and sit down, he became aware of his hands trembling slightly as they gripped the hard plastic of his lunch tray. He was aware of his heart rate increasing, and his breathing becoming faster and shallower. No matter what logical arguments Spock employed against himself, he was unable to fully control his body’s reaction. At last Spock found no alternative but to actively control his diaphragm, rather than allowing his breathing to be regulated by his subconscious. He took slow, deep breaths, and found that this had the desired affect.

Once he was sufficiently calmed, Spock considered his conversation with Dr. McCoy once more. The man had assured him that Jim was, as the doctor had put it, a very open person, and that he liked everyone, including Spock. There was no logical reason to think that his approach would be rejected outright. There was no emotional hurt to fear, at this point.

Spock forced himself to walk towards the table where Jim Kirk was sitting. He noted that, for some reason unknown to him, it took more mental effort than usual to move his limbs. This was intriguing, but also quite disconcerting.

As he walked, Spock formulated his introduction. By the time he reached the table, he had considered and discarded several phrases, adjusted word choices, and chosen the exact pitch and speed at which he planned to say the words. He stopped before the table, across from where Jim was sitting. No one had joined the Captain yet, and he was alone. He seemed to be deep in though, staring intently at the tabletop.

Spock opened his mouth to speak, but Jim seemed to sense his presence, and looked up at him. Their eyes locked for a heartbeat’s span of time, then Kirk’s face split into the broad grin Spock had imagined before. Spock’s carefully prepared opening disappeared from his mind, and he was left standing with his mouth open, but no sound forthcoming. His mind scrambled, trying to come up with something to say. Spock had never been at a loss for words before; it was a disturbing experience.

Kirk, fortunately, did not seem to notice. “Sit, sit!” He motioned to the table between them, still grinning. Spock, glad for some idea of what to do, closed his mouth and sat.

“D’you mind if I eat?” Kirk asked. “I’m starving.”

“That- that is fine, Captain.” Spock took a sip of his drink; his mouth felt very dry.

“Call me Jim, Spock,” the man said, before he began devouring his lunch. In between bites, he asked, “Was there something you wanted to discuss?”

“Nothing in particular. Jim.” Spock followed the Captain’s example and began eating. Although this was more progress than he’d made in months before, he was strangely disappointed. There was very little conversation occurring between them.

Within minutes, the Captain had finished his meal. He leaned back and sighed heavily, closing his eyes. Then he sat up and faced Spock once more. “Sorry about that. I skipped breakfast.”

“It is unwise to skip meals, Jim. The human body requires a great deal of nutrients, at regular intervals.”

“I know, I know! I already got a lecture from Bones about that. But I have a reason, really! Even though he wouldn’t listen to it. I had to get up early to look over something the last shift had found, and by the time I was done with that, my shift was starting.”

“If that was the case, you should have eaten before attending to the previous shift’s issue.”

“It seemed urgent.” Jim grinned in a way that Spock believed would have been described as ‘sheepish.’

“I understand that you wish to attend to the needs of your crew, but know that you will not be able to if you do not also attend your own.”

“Yeah, that’s what Bones said. Only not as politely.” Kirk sighed again.

The silence stretched on, neither of the men saying anything more. Spock shifted in his seat, glanced away from Kirk, and bent his head to finish eating. Kirk, unexpectedly, did not leave, but continued to sit across from him. Spock suspected he was being watched, and found himself wishing that the Captain would leave. Most illogical, considering he’d been trying to converse with him for months.

Finally Spock was finished eating, and the two of them were still sitting in silence. The lack of conversation was becoming oppressive. Spock felt the illogical need to break it and, without fully intending it, voiced the next thought that occurred to him.

“Captain, you are aware, are you not, that I bear you no animosity over the Kobayashi Maru test, or incidents during the Narada battle?”

Spock instantly regretted saying it, and could not imagine what had come over him.

Kirk blinked, a look of surprise on his face. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?” he asked.

“Not exclusively, Cap-Jim,” Spock corrected himself mid-word.

“I’ll admit, I wasn’t completely sure. I though you weren’t, but I never really knew. And you never seemed to want to talk to me.”

Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Spock wondered if he should say as much. He was not comfortable sharing such personal information, and there was the definite possibility that he would ‘come off too strong,’ and push Jim away. On the other hand, he wanted to be completely honest, and to open the door for future discussions.

“I have wanted to speak with you,” Spock said slowly, carefully choosing his words. “However, the occasion never seemed to be right.”

“Things can get pretty busy around here.” Kirk nodded sympathetically.

“Indeed.”

Jim glanced away, and there was another silence. Spock was determined to keep the conversation going.

“What was the issue with the other shift?”

“Oh, nothing. Well, it looked like something, but it was really just a glitch. I fixed it.”

“You fixed it?” Spock echoed, somewhat surprised.

“I know how to handle my ship!” Kirk said, his eyes glinting. His grin stretched wider. His pride was clearly evident. “I read the entire owner’s manual! It’s almost six inches thick! But,” his voice lowered, and his grin shrank into a soft smile. “You probably don’t believe that. No one does.”

“It is true?” Spock asked.

“Yes.”

“Then I believe it,” he said solemnly. “Why would anyone not?”

“Because they have this preconceived notion of me,” Kirk replied. He was still smiling, but Spock thought his eyes looked sad. “They all expect me to be a womanizing slacker. I’m not! I mean, maybe I am, but I try not to be.”

Kirk lifted his head and locked eyes with Spock. “I mean it. I’ve always taken my job seriously, and even if it doesn’t seem like it, I always think things through before I act, in battle, at least. I don’t want anyone getting hurt, and if someone has to be, it should be me. I’m all I’m willing to risk.”

Spock was silent, taken aback by Kirk’s sudden confession. “That,” he paused to gather his thoughts and get his emotions in check, “That is foolish, Captain. If you were incapacitated, the crew would not be able to function properly.”

“Maybe, Spock, but I don’t think so. Besides,” Kirk’s voice took on its usual flippant tone. “I’d leave you in charge. I’m sure you’d be able to direct them no matter what was happening.”

“Your trust in me is humbling, Captain, and not undeserved, I assure you.”

“I know, Spock.” Kirk was smiling again. “Even if we haven’t talked much, I’ve seen you in action. I know I can trust you to take care of the Enterprise, should anything happen.”

“Captain, I…I am uncomfortable with the current topic of this conversation.” Kirk laughed out loud, and Spock noticed some crew members around the mess hall glancing in their direction.

“It’s not very happy, is it? Let’s talk about something else, then! Anything else! Pick something!”

There was something Spock had been wondering about, but he probably shouldn’t ask it. “I heard from Dr. McCoy that you got a perfect score on all of your midterm exams in your last year at the Academy. Is this accurate?”

“You talked to Bones?” Kirk asked. “I thought you two hated each other.”

“Vulcans do not hate,” Spock answered automatically. “As to what Dr. McCoy may feel towards me, I cannot say.” This was the second time someone had expressed the opinion that he hated someone; Spock wondered what he had done to give this impression.

“That was equivocal. Well, it’s true, all the same. I did get a perfect score. I’m sure Bones put in all these qualifications, like how it was only because I was stuck in my room, and couldn’t get a date, right?”

“He mentioned a dorm arrest.”

“Of course he did. And it was true; I wouldn’t have gotten as good a grade if I hadn’t been trapped in the dorms. But that doesn’t mean I was never as smart as I was that semester. I just never really got any sleep before the exams.” Again, the Captain flashed a sheepish grin. Spock frowned slightly, hoping to express his disapproval.

“You are obviously highly intelligent. Did you not consider that your academic record would be very important in your job placement?”

“Hey, I’m the youngest starship captain ever! I’d say I’ve done pretty well for myself.” That was certainly true. “Besides, I told you, I don’t do that stuff anymore. I’m trying to be more responsible.”

“You did, Captain.”

“Jim!”

“Jim.”

Spock suspected that the silence would begin again, and tried to think of something more to say. There was a flurry of movement behind him, and he turned to see the various members of the crew cleaning away the remnants of their lunches.

“Well, I guess we’ve got to get back to work.” Jim stood and stretched his arms above his head. “It was good talking to you, Spock.”

Spock allowed the tiniest of smiles to grace his features. “And you as well, Captain.”

 

******

 

If Vulcans could be said to have moods, then Spock was in a decidedly good one. Over the course of the past week, he had spoken with Kirk on several occasions, on subjects both work-related and non. He had ceased in asking the Captain’s permission to sit at his table, and even joined the man when there were others with him.

Kirk, for his part, had sought Spock out for conversation multiple times. He had also begun to ask Spock’s opinion on matters concerning the running of the Enterprise more frequently, though more often than not Spock’s logic-based suggestions were disregarded in favor of a more emotional approach.

Spock had made more progress in the past week than he had in months previously spent trying to win over the Captain’s attention. The conversations between them were no longer filled with awkward pauses, but flowed naturally, and Spock didn’t have to strain for conversation topics whenever there was a lull in the discussion. It reminded him, in a way that was both reassuring and disconcerting, of the images his subconscious mind had produced of himself and Jim speaking comfortably on a couch in the Captain’s quarters.

Such fantasies, although Spock would never admit to it even under torture, had become more and more common. When he was off duty, and even occasionally during work, Spock would wonder what Kirk would say about an anomaly he had just noticed, or a piece of information he’d found in the ship’s library. The imagination he had received from his mother’s human genes would produce conversations between the two of them, beginning on that topic but often straying to more personal subjects. Sometimes in the daydreams, as humans called them, Spock would end up sitting next to Kirk in silence, their faces inches apart, gazing into the man’s striking blue eyes.

Spock always broke off the daydreams when they got to this point. He was well aware by now of his attraction to Kirk; there was no reason to allow his subconscious to wander into that territory again.

Instead, he worked towards being able to do such things in reality. Spock was beginning believe that the time had come to move on to the next phase of the vague plan McCoy had outlined for him. It seemed that he had been successful in becoming Kirk’s ‘friend,’ as the first step directed. However, Dr. McCoy seemed to think that he should wait a bit longer.

“Jim will talk to anyone like that,” the doctor told Spock when he broached the subject. “I told you, he’s just a  _friendly_  person.”

Spock ignored the slight against his own disposition.

“How do I become a closer friend to him?” If he had been capable of feeling emotions, which, of course, he wasn’t, Spock would have said he was becoming impatient. Such a sentiment was illogical; he knew that he needed to follow McCoy’s plan to have any hope of success.

“Just like you have been. Talking. Spending time with him. Don’t be so impatient. It’ll come in time.”

“I am not impatient.”

“Sure you aren’t.” Spock notice McCoy rolling his eyes as he turned away to inspect one of the devices in the medbay. “Look, if you want this to go faster, you should be talking to Jim, not me.”

The doctor’s suggestion was logical. Spock left.

 

He found Kirk shortly after, looking over some documents in one of the recreation lounges. Spock took a seat beside Kirk, who nodded in acknowledgment. After he finished reading, Kirk passed the PADD to Spock.

“What do you make of it, Spock?”

Spock took the PADD and glanced over the report. “An object emitting harmless radiation, sir. Still, it would be best to avoid it.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Kirk took the PADD back from Spock and, turning it off, placed it on the seat next to him. After a moment of companionable silence, he spoke again. “Spock, have you ever played chess?”

“I am not familiar with it,” Spock replied, eyeing his Captain inquisitively.

“It’s an old Earth game, been around for centuries,” Kirk explained. “It’s not all that popular now, except in some circles. Actually, it’s mostly played over computer connections, with digital models of the board on screens. Real chess boards are rare now.”

 “Where did you learn about it, if the game is so outdated?” Spock asked.

Kirk smiled. “I had a teacher when I was in middle school who played. He thought that it would keep me from getting into so much trouble, if I had something to take up my time. It worked, too; I wanted to win so much that I spent hours playing and getting better.”

“Is it a difficult game?”

“Some say it is. Some people claim it takes a lifetime to master. But,” Kirk shrugged. “The basic rules are simple. There used to be chess clubs at grade schools all around Earth.”

“And you wish to play the game with me?” Spock asked to clarify.

“I though you might know of it, since there were a couple players at the Academy.” Kirk picked up the PADD from the seat next to him, and Spock knew the conversation was about to end. “If you want to learn how, I think there’s a file on it in the ship’s library. I can teach you myself, when there’s time.”

Kirk stood and smiled down at Spock. “I’d like to play against you, once you’ve learned. I think you’d be very good at it.”

“Thank you, Jim. I will look for this file immediately.”

“When ever you have time,” Kirk replied with another, softer smile. Spock met his eyes and for a moment considered smiling in return, but before he could reach a decision Kirk turned and left.

 

As Spock had said, he immediately went in search of the file on chess. He found the rules to be elementary, and quickly memorized the ways each piece could move and all of the different strategies listed in the file. After going through several different scenarios in his mind, Spock sought the Captain out to ask for a game.

Having been unsuccessful in locating the Captain in any other area of the ship, Spock soon found himself standing before the door to the Captain’s personal quarters. He had never been past this door, never seen what lay on the other side, except occasionally in his day dreams. Spock was suddenly under the impression that this was a very important moment.

He lifted a hand to knock on the door but, without intending to, stopped with his hand hovering inches from the metal surface. Spock realized that he was displaying symptoms of what humans called ‘nervousness,’ just as he had before he first approached Jim in the mess hall.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, focusing on the feel of the air filling his lungs. It was cool, to the point that it was almost uncomfortable to breathe, though this was something Spock rarely noticed anymore. When he was fully composed, Spock opened his eyes and knocked confidently on the door.

There was a muffled cry from within which sounded like “Just a minute!” and then seconds later the door slid open.

“Spock!” Jim cried, grinning at his guest. “What’s up? There isn’t something going on, is there?” Kirk looked over at the control panel, where a light would have been flashing if there were some sort of alert.

“No, Jim,” Spock replied, using the man’s given name to emphasize the casualness of the meeting. “I have looked over the file on chess that you mentioned, and would like to request a game.”

“Oh!” Kirk’s face, formerly in an expression of curious attentiveness, split into a particularly bright grin. “I’ve got a chessboard right here! Let me set it up.”

While he pulled a board from a drawer and began positioning pieces on it, Spock took the opportunity to look around the room. It was indeed larger than his own, not surprising, considering the Captain outranked him, but the furnishings were similar. This was the work area, and there was, presumably, a bedroom through one of the doors, and a bathroom through the other. There was a couch, a computer terminal, and a desk with two chairs on which Kirk was currently arranging the chess set.

The shelves which lined the walls were the most interesting feature of the room. They were filled with souvenirs from many of the different planets the Enterprise had visited thus far. Some were items that had been bought peacefully from the more friendly planets, and others rocks or pieces of vegetation inadvertently acquired on hostile planets. Each was laid out and labeled meticulously as though it were on display at a museum. On one shelf, there were nine paper books, battered and yellowed by age, but obviously treasured. Spock wondered where Kirk had attained them.

He also wondered at the lack of personal items. Spock’s own quarters were filled with items from Vulcan, and the few keepsakes of his mother that had survived the destruction of the planet. Kirk’s quarters on the other hand, had no holopictures of family, or anything related to the life he had had on Earth.

He was prevented from further considering the meaning of this by the sound of Kirk’s voice. “Alright, it’s ready!”

Spock turned back to his Captain and took one of the seats at the table.

“Are you sure you want to play now?” Kirk asked. “I can explain some things, if there’s something you don’t understand.”

“I understand perfectly, Jim,” Spock replied lightly. “I have memorized the rules.”

Kirk smiled in a way that suggested uncertainty. “Alright, if you’re sure.”

Spock played white, and the game began. They spoke as they played. Spock told Jim of a Vulcan strategy game, Kal-tol, which he considered to be much more difficult than chess. Kirk expressed and interest in learning to play, and Spock replied that, unfortunately, he did not have a game with him on the Enterprise. Kirk told Spock more about Mr. Phillips, the seventh grade teacher who had taught Kirk to play. Spock, in return, told Kirk about playing Kal-tol with his father.

The conversation, Spock was sure, must have distracted him from the game, because before long Kirk had his king in check. He frowned at the board, wondering where he had made his mistakes. Jim’s way of playing was most illogical; he had never done any of the things Spock had expected.

“Don’t worry about it!” Kirk said cheerfully, clapping Spock on the shoulder. “It’s your first time playing. I’m sure you’ll do better next time.”

“I will try, Jim,” Spock assured him. Kirk laughed.

“Great! Then why don’t you meet me here tomorrow, same time?”

Spock agreed, and the arrangement was made. For the rest of the week he continued to meet Kirk for a game after their respective jobs had been completed, and although the time occasionally had to be changed, the game was never cancelled. During that time they both spoke freely, revealing more personal information that they had in previous conversations. Spock ceased to worry about the progression of their relationship, and nearly forgot about it, to the point that he was surprised when McCoy approached him to say that it was time to move on to the next step.


	4. Step 2- Keep Him Away from Alcohol and Women

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On shore leave, Spock is glad to be able to spend time with Kirk, but what will Kirk's answer be when a woman invites him away?

Of all of the steps Dr. McCoy had laid out, Spock was most confident that there would be a positive outcome for this one. He knew that Kirk took his responsibilities as Captain of the Enterprise seriously, and Kirk had told him in no uncertain terms that he put forth a great deal of effort so that none of his actions endangered any members of the crew. Kirk knew very well that consuming alcohol would inevitably impair his judgment, and that wandering off with an attractive female could cause the ship to be without a captain at a vital time, or even be dangerous to Kirk himself. No, Spock was certain that this step was quite unnecessary.

However, Dr. McCoy seemed to insist upon him taking it. “It’s the whole reason I agreed to help with this whole conspiracy,” he told Spock. “If he’s with you on the ship, it means he’s not out god-knows-where with god-knows-who! I don’t want to have to patch him up any more than I already have to for work-related injuries.”

Thus, Spock spent the next several days wondering how to give any sort of warning about the dangers of strange drinks and strange women, without sounding like he doubted the Captain’s common sense. Putting things delicately had never been his strong suit. He’d just as soon not have the conversation at all, if he ran a risk of insulting the man by raising this point.

However, after a certain incident, Spock began to wonder if alcohol and women were something he needed to worry about. The incident occurred in the mess hall one morning (though ‘morning’ was a relative term when not on the surface of a planet, most of the crew still used it to describe the hours at the beginning of their shifts), when one of the male crew members was recounting events from his time at the Academy.

“I once was dating six women at once,” the man bragged. “None of them ever found out about each other!” Even though there was another person between Spock and this man, he shifted away. The man’s attitude towards women was distasteful.

“Are any of them on the Enterprise now?” the Captain asked, leaning forward as though eager to know more. Spock wondered why he was allowing the man to continue speaking this way; Kirk had always treated his female crewmembers with respect.

“Five,” the man replied in a way Spock thought would have been described as ‘smug.’ “I still see three on and off.”

Kirk’s expression changed from eagerly curious to disdainfully cold. “As your Captain, I order you to tell all five of these women what you’ve done!” The crewman was stunned, and spluttered for a moment before responding. Spock found his expression of dawning horror strangely satisfying.

“Come on, Kirk!” The crewman cried. “It’s not like you didn’t do the same thing when you were at the Academy! A different woman every night, and in and out of bars like a revolving door! And you still do! Alien women, alien liquor, you haven’t changed a bit, and you’re no different than me!”

Spock felt a strange, sick feeling rise in his stomach, and pushed away his half-eaten breakfast. He did not know if what the man said about Kirk’s time at the Academy was true. He did not think that what he’d said about  _now_  was true, but Spock could not watch the Captain at all times on new planets. Spock could only hope that it was not true; if it was, there could never be anything more between Kirk and him than there was now. Moreover, it could be dangerous.

All of this passed through Spock’s mind in a fraction of a second. He looked to the Captain for his response. There was a strange look about his eyes that reminded Spock somehow of lightning he’d seen during storms on Earth, and for the first time he understood what it meant for someone’s eyes to ‘flash.’ When Kirk spoke, his voice was low, threatening, but at the same time calm and level.

“I was speaking to you as your Captain, and your refusal to follow a direct order, and your insubordination, are enough to have you thrown in the brig. However, I will overlook them both if you chose to follow that order now.”

The two stared at each other for a moment, in a battle of wills, and there could only be one victor. The crewman looked away and pushed himself up from the table, presumably to find the five women. Kirk continued to stare at the place he’d left, seemingly deep in thought.

Spock did not think it wise to interrupt. Instead, he was lost in his own thoughts. The man had said that Kirk was spending a great deal of time with alien women on new planets. This could be potentially dangerous for both captain and crew. Furthermore, if it were true, it would likely mean that Kirk was not attracted to men, and therefore would not be interested in Spock.

Spock wondered what would happen to him if Kirk did not return his affections. He had decided, at the beginning, that if Kirk did not feel the same, he would accept it and simply be grateful for their friendship. It was the logical response, but Spock was learning that nothing logical about these desires, or the emotions which his human side felt. He did not know if he would simply be able to ‘move on’ if Kirk did not feel the same. None of his past relationships had ever been as important to him as this one was, and Spock did not know how he would respond if it could not progress any further.

There was no reason to think about that now. He did not know if what the crewman had said was true, and even if it was, it did not, necessarily, follow that Kirk was not interested in men.

“Spock.” The captain’s voice jolted him from is thoughts. “We’d better get going. Shift’s about to start.”

“Yes, Captain.” Spock stood and accompanied his Captain to the door of the mess hall where they parted, Kirk to the bridge, Spock to the onboard laboratory to finish some experiments. Spock felt a twinge of regret when they parted, something he’d gotten used to but still did not fully understand. He knew he would see the man again, soon, so there was no reason to regret leaving him.

But now was not the time to think of that. Spock forced his thoughts from his captain to his incomplete experiments. It was very important that his mind be focused on them at this time.

 

Later that same day, the Enterprise came to a new planet. The atmosphere was breathable, and there were millions of life forms, so a landing party was sent down to investigate it. They found that the planet was rich in minerals very valuable to Starfleet, and the native people were intelligent and peaceful, and more than willing to negotiate to join the interstellar trade system. The negotiations were to take place over a banquet held in honor of the visitors from the Enterprise, which Spock and Kirk, among others, were to attend.

At the banquet, an ivory-skinned woman in flowing garments filled everyone’s glasses with a purple liquid, and stepped back to a position from which she was able to nimbly dart forward every time someone’s glass needed to be topped off. Spock sipped the liquid cautiously as the discussion began. It was alcohol.

While that was not an issue for Spock, he wondered if it would prove a problem for the rest of the crew. If they were the slightest bit inebriated, they might make a mistake in the negotiations. However, they could not risk insulting their hosts by refusing the drink outright. Spock made a mental note to review any contract that might be drawn up before it was signed, and then split his attention between what was said, and how much Kirk drank. It was not, Spock rationalized, because he doubted the man’s ability to control whatever desire he may have for alcohol; it was to see if that desire existed, and how strong it was.

Fortunately, the negotiation was ended very quickly, before anyone had the chance to consume much of the alcohol. From there, the discussion turned to the different aspects of culture, with each side eagerly explaining their own. Spock, who had not been raised as a human, did not feel the need to speak. Starfleet was, after all, mostly comprised of humans, so any dealings this race had with Starfleet were likely to be with humans. Spock simply listened, eager, as always, to learn about this new race’s ways.

Food was shortly brought out, and the conversation dwindled as mouths became otherwise occupied. Most of the dishes, with a few exceptions, were comprised entirely of vegetables, so Spock was able to eat them. He was appreciative; quite often, his diet prevented him from eating much of anything on such occasions.

The spices used were strange to Spock, but the taste was not unpleasant and he ate eagerly, though he suspected only Kirk, who had taken many meals with him, would have noticed. The conversation was a pleasant buzz in the background to which Spock delegated a small portion of his consciousness. The rest was spent admiring the artwork on the walls and ceiling, and the music softly played by one of the women, and watching his Captain.

One of the women seemed to be trying particularly hard to keep Kirk’s attention on her. She was beautiful, by human standards, Spock supposed, with china-white skin and jet-black hair and eyes. Her featured were almost perfectly symmetrical, which Spock knew signified attractiveness. He did not like that she was paying such close attention to Jim, and he to her.

By the time the fifth course was over, Spock was ready to admit that what he felt was jealousy. Of course it was, when that…female, was looking at his captain like that! Spock might even have been openly scowling at her; he wasn’t entirely sure.

Then Jim looked at him, and Spock wanted to say something witty to keep the man’s attention on him instead of that woman, but his tongue seemed stuck to the roof of his mouth. As he struggled to pry it loose, it dawned on him that the captain’s expression was one of concern.

“Spock, are you feeling alright?”

“Yesh, Jim, I feel perfec’ly fine.” Spock smiled, pleased with himself for freeing his tongue.

Jim did not seem pleased. A frown on his face, he leaned close to Spock, who instinctively moved back when his personal space was invaded. “Your pupils are dilated. Spock, how much did you drink?”

Spock did not understand. He hadn’t drunken much, and all of it had been alcohol, not chocolate, so there was no reason for it to matter anyway.

“Only half…a little more ‘n half… no, a little less… Not much,” Spock concluded.

“Whatever.” Jim waved the comment away, an annoyed expression on his face. Spock hoped the man wasn’t angry with him. “Come on, I’m taking you somewhere to sleep it off.” Spock did not understand what Jim meant, but the next moment he was being pulled to his feet, and Jim was apologizing and biding goodbye to the members of the planet’s high counsel. They beamed up to the ship, and Kirk pulled Spock by the arm down the hall.

Spock still did not know what Jim was doing, but he was glad that he’d gotten the other man away from that woman. He definitely had not liked the way she looked at Jim.

Jim was pulling Spock through one of the observation decks on the way to the residential section, when Spock was suddenly struck by what was beyond the glass. He stopped, and though Jim pulled at is arm, he would not move.

“Jim…,” Spock whispered in awe.

“Spock,” the other man growled back, having given up on moving him. He looked out the window, trying to find what had so captivated Spock, but seemingly finding nothing.

“They’re beautiful, aren’ they,” Spock breathed in wonder.

“What, the stars?” Jim sounded surprised. Spock nodded vigorously. “Sure they are. But we see them all the time, remember?” He pulled at Spock’s arm again.

“We see them scientific’ly,” Spock replied. “Burnin’ balls of gas, with planets around ‘em. We never jus’ see what they look like.”

Jim sighed heavily and sank onto one of the couches in the room. Spock joined him after a moment. Jim was smiling.

“I didn’t think you’d be one to just admire the beauty of the stars, Spock,” Jim said softly. “I admit, sometimes it’s difficult for me, too, to look at them and just see beauty, when I know they each have planets orbiting around them, waiting to be found. But I guess there’s beauty in that, too.”

“Yes,” Spock replied, awed by his Captain’s thoughts, and the fact that the man was sharing them with him. They sat in silence for a long time after that, how long, Spock didn’t know. He didn’t realize until Jim’s voice roused him that he’d laid his head on the man’s shoulder and was nodding off.

“Time for bed, I think,” Jim said with a gentle smile. Spock smiled in return, and allowed himself to be led to his own rooms, where he promptly fell asleep on the bed.

 

The next morning, Spock woke with a terrible headache. Doctor McCoy administered a cure, as well as a lecture to the effect of not needing two of his charges drinking strange liquor, and the idea being that Spock would have an influence on Kirk, not the other way around. Spock remembered little from the previous evening, except that he had been very bothered by one woman’s attention to his Captain, and a vague recollection that he had been filled with a sense of wonder.

Spock was full of contrition when he met his Captain for lunch, and explained that the dishes they had been given must have contained something like Earth’s cocoa beans. He did not want his Captain to think him incompetent. Kirk simply laughed and dismissed it, reminding Spock that they could never know the effects alien cuisine might have on any of them.

“I’ll tell you one thing, though,” Kirk said, grinning. “If I’m half as hard to drag home after a night drinking as you are, I owe Bones an apology. About a million of them.”

“You should begin right away, Captain,” Spock replied. “To say the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ one million times would take decades, if not centuries.” 

Kirk looked at him in awe. “Did you just make a joke?”

“Of course not. Vulcans have no sense of humor.”

“You’re only half Vulcan.”

Spock did not respond, and Kirk laughed. “I’ll make you a deal,” he said. “You avoid anything that tastes or looks anything like chocolate, and stop eating if you feel strange, and I won’t touch a drop of alcohol while on duty.”

“Agreed,” Spock replied, surprised that he had, through no efforts of his own, succeeded with half of this step. McCoy, coming to sit a little ways down the table, looked positively stunned, likely amazed by the ease with which Spock had accomplished what he had been trying to for years. Spock was strangely gratified to see the expression on his face.

 

******

 

Spock was relieved to hear that the negotiations with the people of this new planet had not suffered from him and the captain leaving part way through the banquet the previous night. In fact, the native people were so welcoming that Kirk had decided to authorize a day of shore leave for the crew. Everyone eagerly beamed down to the surface, and soon only a skeletal staff of engineering personnel remained.

Spock had been planning to remain on the Enterprise, not wanting to risk embarrassing himself again if he should inadvertently eat food containing the chocolate-like plant. However, it seemed that Kirk had no intention of allowing him to stay on the ship.

Spock was in his room, going over some notes he’d taken on one of his current experiments, when he heard a knock on the door to his rooms. He stood and pressed the button to open the door.

Jim Kirk stood framed in the doorway, dressed in a brown tee-shirt and jeans. Spock had never seen Kirk when he wasn’t wearing either his Starfleet uniform or, as at the time they’d first met, his cadet uniform. Without his fully intending it, Spock’s gaze traveled up and down the man’s body, taking in everything. When he realized what he was doing, Spock’s eyes snapped up to Kirk’s face, which was grinning broadly.

“I’m not letting you hide in your lab all day, Spock,” Jim said cheerfully. “Some natural sunlight will do you good.”

“I am not hiding, Captain,” Spock replied. “I have multiple experiments in progress, which I need to finish.”

“And they’ll still be there tomorrow,” the other man said, walking forward and taking the PADD from Spock’s hand to set it on a table. “Humans need relaxation time, and don’t give me any excuses about Vulcan’s not needing it, because you aren’t a Vulcan, not completely. You need to take care of your human side more often.”

Kirk put a hand around Spock’s arm and tugged lightly. Even if Spock could have disregarded what the man was saying, he knew his Captain would only make it an order it he objected. Besides, he wasn’t exactly averse to spending time with Jim.

Spock also thought of the second half of the step he was supposed to be working on: keeping Jim away from alien women. He had thought before that it was impossible for him to watch the man at all times, and thus impossible to be certain if he was spending inordinate amounts of time with alien females. Of course, there was no way for him to watch Jim at all if he remained on the Enterprise. For the sake of the plan, it was best for him to go.

“If that won’t change your mind,” Kirk continued, pulling Spock towards the door, “then come because I want you to. I want to spend some time with you.”

Spock suddenly found it difficult to breath, and had to put forth a greater effort than usual to speak. “Ah… yes, Jim. I will go.”

“Great!” Jim’s smile became brighter, though Spock would not have believed it possible. “Come on!” Still holding on to Spock’s arm, he led the way down to the transporter room. The engineering officer at the transporter console waved to them as they beamed down. Spock wondered if he regretted not being able to go along.

“Captain,” Spock said when they’d materialized on the surface of the planet. “Do the engineering staff remaining on the ship get rotated for every shore leave?”

“Actually, everyone in engineering has to take a turn on the ship,” Kirk explained. “The people staying behind now will be able to beam down in an hour or so, when their replacements go up for their shift.”

This method seemed very fair, and Spock approved. He did not think this way the way shore leaves were handled on all ships, and wondered if Jim had come up with it himself. He knew that the man took fairness very seriously.

Kirk could not go far from the arranged transport area, in case something happened which required his attention, either on the ship or on the planet. Thus, the two of them remained near the planet’s counsel meeting building, and the surrounding area.

Spock walked with Kirk as the man wandered aimlessly around the counsel building, searching for something to entertain himself. There was a door ahead of them, tall and thin and seemingly made of something like Earth’s stained glass. It was very different from the other wooden doors around them, and Kirk’s interest was instantly captured. He went to it and cupped his hands around his face, peering through the glass.

“It goes outside,” Jim reported to Spock. “Let’s go!” He took hold of the oddly-shaped door handle and turned it, then shook it and pulled on it. He seemed to be frustrated, and Spock received a sharp declination when he offered to help. He stood back and watched the stubborn man struggle with the door, undeniably amused.

Finally the door popped open, and Jim let out a victorious cry. Then he composed himself, cleared his throat, and said, “The door’s open.” Spock nodded, trying to keep the smile from his face.

They stepped out into the sun, and Kirk was careful not to close the door completely behind them. He likely didn’t want to get locked out. Spock surveyed their surroundings. They had entered what seemed to be an extensive pleasure garden, filled with flowering plants of all colors, releasing delicate but intoxicating scents.

“It’s beautiful,” Jim said happily. “Come on, Spock, let’s take a look around.” He started off down one of the paved paths through the garden, admiring different types of plants and remarking that one or the other resembled something from Earth. Spock explained in return that the vegetation of this planet was very different from that of Vulcan, which, due to the scarcity of water, tended to be small and thick-skinned.

Kirk described the flora of the region he had grown up in, telling Spock how, even in a time when food was more often produced by replicators than grown, there were corn and wheat fields in Iowa, and the children had played a game called hide-and-seek in them. He seemed to be very relaxed now, and spoke freely. The broad smile never left his face.

They came to a bench in the garden, and stopped momentarily to rest, still talking idly. Spock expressed his surprise that, of all the things he could have been doing on his shore leave, Jim preferred to walk through alien pleasure gardens. The other man laughed and agreed that it was not what most people would have expected from him, but explained that, after being in stressful situations on a nearly daily basis, he preferred to do something relaxing rather than something exciting when he did have free time.

Having rested long enough, they moved on along another path, and found it to be lined with fruit-bearing trees. Jim picked one which resembled a purple apple and, despite Spock’s warning, took a bite of it. “It’s really good,” he said, and offered the half-eaten fruit to Spock, who declined.

“Are you hungry?” Kirk asked, taking another bite of the strange fruit. “I just realized I am.”

“Yes, Jim. I could also do with nourishment at this time.”

“That’s ‘Yes, Jim, I’m hungry now,’” the other man corrected with a grin. Spock, amused, went along with it.

“Yes, Jim, I’m hungry now,” he said, fighting a smile.

Kirk laughed. “Alright, then, let’s go find something to eat.” They started back the way they’d come, when the other man stopped. “Spock, tell me you remember all of the turns we took.”

“Yes, Jim, I remember.”

“Great, then you lead,” he replied, motioning for Spock to walk in front of him. Spock took the lead, weaving his way through the paths of the gardens, tracing back every turn and fork in the road. The door which had been left open had remained so, and they entered through it again.

They left through another door into the city itself, and wandered the streets in search of a restaurant. When they found one, they got a table and asked about the different dishes. Spock, wanting to avoid whatever had affected him the last time, simply ordered a bowl of fresh fruit. Jim, out of respect for Spock, ordered a dish without meat. When Kirk was offered alcohol, he declined, even though he was off duty, and they both drank only water. The conversation dwindled as they began to eat, though they still spoke in between bites.

“Can I try some of that,” Jim asked, pointing with a fork-like utensil at the fruit bowl before Spock.

“Certainly,” Spock replied, pushing the bowl across the table so Kirk could spear a cube of fruit without reaching far.

“I think this is the thing from the garden,” Kirk remarked as he ate the fruit. “Isn’t it good?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Do you want to try some of mine?”

“No, thank you, Jim. I don’t know what it was that affected me last night, and I do not wish to eat it again accidentally.”

“Oh. Well, it doesn’t taste like chocolate.” Jim swirled his fork in the sauce poured over the vegetables he was eating. “Of course, nothing we ate last night did either.”

When they had finished eating, they were assured, much to their surprise, that the planet’s high counsel had agreed to pay all of their expenses while they were there. Kirk objected, but Spock reminded him that federation currency was not yet accepted here, and they had no way of paying even if Jim wanted to. The man seemed reluctant to leave, even when the restaurant’s owner assured him they were happy to serve him, and that he was certain that he would be reimbursed by his government.

Finally they left the restaurant, stepping back out onto the street. There were many other shops along the street, and stalls had been set up in the road. If these people used machines for transportation, and the general level of technology suggested they did, than such vehicles were obviously not allowed in this section of town. People walked freely in the streets, crossing wherever they pleased with no fear of being hurt.

“Do you suppose they’re holding some sort of festival here?” Jim wondered aloud.

“Perhaps,” Spock agreed. “It could also be the normal way of things here. This seems to be the city’s center of commerce.” Kirk nodded absently, looking around. “Do you want to explore?” Spock asked.

Jim, to Spock’s surprise, shook his head. “No. I think it’s better if I stay close to the transport sight. If you want to have a look, that’s fine. You don’t have to stay with me the whole time.”

Spock didn’t want to leave. He thought of the twinge of sadness he always felt whenever he and Jim parted ways, no matter how temporarily. “I do not wish to look; I was merely inquiring if you did.”

“Well, then, let’s go back together,” Kirk replied, flashing a bright smile. “You know, now that I think of it, it’s almost time for our usual chess game. How about we beam up and get the board?”

“I would be amenable to that.”

“Great!” Jim lead the way back to the counsel building, where, to make it easier on the engineering staff, all of the transportations were taking place.

Spock was pleased with the way this shore leave was proceeding. Kirk had not met with or even looked at a single woman since he had beamed down with Spock. More importantly, he seemed much more eager to spend time with Spock than to run off with any strange women. He was becoming more and more confident with every passing moment that what the crewman had said the other day was wrong, and he wouldn’t have to worry about Jim getting into any dangerous situations because he’d gone off with a woman he didn’t know.

When they reached the counsel building and the transportation area, Kirk began to signal to the engineering staff who were on the Enterprise. However, he was interrupted by the arrival of one of the planet’s women. Spock recognized her as the one who had been so besotted with his captain the previous night, and felt an instinctive urge to place himself between her and his captain. As she was clearly unarmed and not a threat, this was an illogical sentiment, and Spock stayed where he was.

“Captain Kirk,” she said in a melodious voice. “I was wondering if you would like to join me for…a, ah, tour of the castle.”

Her pause and expression made it clear even to Spock that she was not speaking literally of a tour. He had the sudden and illogical urge to grab onto Jim’s arm and tell the woman not to proposition men to whom others had already laid claim, but of course, he couldn’t.

He looked to Kirk, wondering with more apprehension than he would ever admit to what the man’s answer would be. Was it only because no woman had yet approached him that he’d spent all of his time with Spock so far? Or did he truly wish to avoid such people, for his own safety and that of his crew?

Jim flashed his usual smile, and Spock could detect no hint of the expression called a ‘leer’ which might signify sexual interest. “I’m afraid I have other matters to attend,” he replied, his tone expressing no regret. “You see, Commander Spock and I have a long-standing arrangement to play chess, and I’d hate to miss a game.”

The woman’s eyes flicked over to Spock, and for a moment her expression was one Spock believed could be classified as loathing. Then she looked back at Jim, her seductive smile back in place. “Well, perhaps you could find me after you finish your little game.”

As soon as she had turned away, Kirk signaled the engineering staff, and they beamed aboard the Enterprise. Spock followed the other man back to his rooms, curious as to whether it was only their game which kept Jim from accepting the woman’s invitation, or if he was making an excuse out of it.

“Let’s just stay up here, okay?” Kirk suggested as he began setting up the board. “People will start coming back soon anyway.”

“Yes,” Spock murmured, sliding into his usual seat. Jim gave him a sidelong look as he placed the last few figures on the board.

“You’re wondering if I used you as an excuse,” Kirk said, and something about his tone told Spock it was not a question. He did not answer. “I did. I’m trying to avoid girls like that. They’re kind of scary.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. ‘Scary’ certainly wasn’t a word he ever would have expected James Kirk to use when describing a woman coming on to him. Jim saw the look and laughed.

“But they are! One time, in the Academy, I went with this girl I met at a bar to her room. She pulled out this switchblade, an old human weapon that people in gangs used to carry. I thought she was going to kill me! She took my wallet and left. I’ve been careful around strange women ever since.”

“How did she get a switchblade if they’re so outdated,” Spock asked, though in his mind he was checking this step off of the list and thinking that his hypothesis that this step would not be necessary had been proven correct.

“How should I know?” Jim replied, sitting down across from Spock. “Let’s play.”

They continued to speak as they played, though Spock made certain to keep a good portion of his mind concentrated on the game. He mentally recorded what Jim did in any situation, so he would be able to better predict the man’s moves in the future. The man continued to surprise him, doing things Spock would not have expected after reading the chess book. His moves were often surprising ones, moves which Spock would have thought poor except for the fact that Jim inevitably won. Spock put up a good fight, but Jim won in the end.

“You’re getting better,” Kirk remarked as he began placing the pieces back where they belonged. “We still have some time before the rest of the crew needs to be on the ship. Do you want to play again?”

“Yes,” Spock agreed, replacing his own pieces. “Are you asking because you do not want to return to the planet and see that woman again?”

Jim gave Spock a suspicious look. “Are you teasing me, Spock?”

“I assure you, Captain, I am not.”

“Liar,” Jim said cheerfully. “And it’s not just to have an excuse. I’d rather play chess with you than anything else.”

Spock watched the man’s expression carefully after he said this, but there seemed to be nothing about his manner which suggested he meant it as part of anything more than a platonic friendship. Spock allowed his lips to tilt upwards into a slight smile, though he did not feel happy.

“I feel the same way, Jim,” he said, and was rewarded with a bright smile as the game began.


	5. Step 3- Make Him Think of You THAT Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock makes an attempt at 'human flirting'. Everything goes downhill from there.

A few hours after Spock’s chess game with Kirk, the rest of the crew had boarded the ship and the Enterprise was underway. Spock made his way to the medbay to speak with Dr. McCoy. There were a few people there, a woman who’d had a mild allergic reaction to something she’d eaten, and a man who had apparently gotten his hand closed in a door. Spock was amazed by the haplessness of some crew members.

Dr. McCoy was in his office, having left the minor ailments to Nurse Chapel. When Spock knocked on the door, the doctor’s voice bid him to enter. Spock went in and, at McCoy’s direction, took a seat at the chair across from the desk.

“How is it going?” McCoy asked. “You manage to keep him from running off?”

“The Captain is well aware of his responsibilities to the crew,” Spock replied. “For the duration of the shore leave, he remained near the beam-up sight, so he would be able to respond quickly in case of an emergency. One woman did request his company, but he declined.”

“Do you think it’ll stay that way?”

Spock considered for a moment, not what his answer would be, but whether he should explain it. Kirk had been confiding in him when he had related the story about being robbed by a woman, and Spock was not sure if it was his right to recount the information to the doctor. However, McCoy was Kirk’s close friend, and Spock doubted the Captain would mind him knowing.

“Yes. Kirk said that a woman he’d followed to her room once drew a knife on him. He was afraid for his life, and since then he has never let himself be alone with any woman he in unfamiliar with.”

“You’re serious?” McCoy asked incredulously. “He said that? I remember once he came in looking really shaken up. Said he’d lost his wallet, never told me what happened. So you’re sure the alcohol, the women, that won’t be a problem anymore?”

“Positive,” Spock replied. “He seems very sincere in his dedication to his crew. He would not allow himself to be put in a situation where he would not be able to perform at optimal efficiency if they were endangered.”

“Good, that’s good,” McCoy replied off-handly. “Well, good work. I’m surprised it was so easy. Maybe I’ve been overestimating Jim’s carelessness.”

“However he behaved in the Academy, he has reformed himself since becoming a Captain,” Spock said. “Nonetheless, that is not what I wished to speak with you about.”

“No? Well, then, what is it?”

“The next step in the plan you laid out.”

“Flirting,” McCoy replied matter-of-factly. Then he eyed Spock suspiciously. “You aren’t going to ask me how to do that, are you? What, don’t Vulcans flirt?”

“Yes,” Spock replied uncertainly.

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem,” McCoy snapped. “Go, go and flirt with him. I’m not going to explain to you how to do that too.”

Spock stood resignedly, and left the office, making certain that McCoy had stopped speaking before he opened the door. He did not want anyone in the medbay to overhear what they had been speaking about. He noticed as he left that both patients had been discharged, and politely asked Nurse Chapel about their condition. If either of them might need lighter assignments for the next few days, he could pass the information on to the Captain. Nurse Chapel assured him that they had both been in peak condition when discharged, and their ailments had been minor. Spock thanked her for the information and left.

While simply talking to the object of his affections had been difficult to do, it was this step that Spock was most concerned about. McCoy had asked him if Vulcans flirted, and he had answered truthfully that they did. However, Vulcans were very composed in all of their actions. They spoke in ways that humans would consider overly formal. They never allowed emotions to show through their expressions, words, or actions. They never made physical contact with others.

When he had first come to the Starfleet Academy, Spock had seen how ill at ease his Vulcan mannerisms put his human classmates. Although it had been very difficult to him, he had managed to, as humans would put it, “relax” in social situations. There was no way Spock could ever behave wholly as humans did, but he had managed to reach a point where those he interacted with regularly were not uncomfortable with his presence.

It was this relaxation of his Vulcan mannerisms that now created the issue. If Spock were to behave towards other Vulcans the way he now normally behaved with any human he met, they would think that he was desperately flirting with them. However, if he were to do anything less, it would cause the humans around him great discomfort. As a result, Spock knew there was no way any flirting on his part, at least if it was done according to Vulcan standards, would not be recognized as such.

Vulcan flirting was, by human terms, extremely subtle. Relaxation of a usually rigid posture, the use of less formal words in speaking, maintaining eye contact for a second longer than was strictly necessary; all of these, to Vulcans, were indications of flirting. Unfortunately, this was how humans typically behaved, and how Spock had learned to behave, in order to put his human companions at ease.

While there was no doubt that Spock was able to relax himself more completely in Kirk’s presence than in that of other humans, it had not been an active attempt on his part to “flirt.” This change in behavior had occurred on its own, and though it normally might have worried Spock to think that he was not in complete control of himself, he knew that it was natural for humans to be more relaxed in casual environments in the company of those they considered friends. Kirk was, without a doubt, a friend to Spock. Indeed, Spock hoped that the man would some day be “more than a friend.” It made sense given his half-human genetics that he would be relaxed in the man’s presence.

There in lay the problem. Spock was already doing what Vulcans would consider flirting. He did it without actively thinking of what he was doing, and although Kirk was also relaxed in his presence, Spock knew that it was not because Jim returned his sentiments. It was simply the way Kirk behaved.

Spock knew no other ways of flirting. He had no experience with the human way. Noyta had always been very direct, likely because she had known he would not recognize human flirting for what it was. There was no way that Spock could be so upfront about what he felt. For one thing, it would make rejection even more painful, to have Jim say outright that he did not feel the same. For another, it might put a strain on their friendship, and even their working relationship.

While he knew that it would be difficult to interact with the man when he knew that their relationship would never be what he wanted, Spock did not want to lose the precious friendship he shared with Kirk. He truly admired the man, and enjoyed spending time with him, whatever they were doing. If that friendship was lost, it would leave Spock entirely alone on the Enterprise. He had not realized, before he had begun spending time with Jim, how much the human in him craved a companion. It would be devastating to return to the state of isolation he had been in before, when his only interactions had been work-related.

As for their professional relationship, Spock knew how important Kirk’s position was to him, and how seriously he took his responsibilities as Captain. If their working relationship became strained, he could not allow it to reflect poorly on the man who would do anything for his crew. Spock would put in for a transfer to another starship before he allowed Starfleet to bring sanctions against the Captain over an issue caused by a broken working relationship between the two of them.

There could be no “direct approach”; the consequences of rejection were too severe. At the same time, Spock doubted he would be able to make his advances known with his current level of knowledge. He would have to do some research on human flirtation techniques.

 

******

 

Two weeks had passed before Spock decided that he had researched human flirtation techniques thoroughly enough to implement them. Most of his research had led him to the websites of various magazines, blogs, and similar article-based publications. There seemed to be no concise list of techniques available, so Spock had been forced to sift through the contents of many articles in search of crossover between their suggested methods of flirting; as any scientist knew, one could not rely on uncorroborated information.

In addition to the lack of a flirting database, Spock found that a great deal of the information was not only uncorroborated, but actually contradicted itself. There were methods for flirting done by men, and there were methods for flirting with men. However, the articles on either type of flirting seemed to suggest very different things. Spock had been utterly unable to find any articles that specifically explained how men were supposed to flirt with men.

Because of this, it took more time than usual for Spock to believe that he had researched his topic thoroughly. However, after two weeks of extensive study, he was almost completely certain that he had obtained all the information he would need. He was ready to attempt to flirt with Kirk.

 

As he stood before the door of Kirk’s bedroom, 3 minutes before the appointed time for their chess game, Spock once again mentally ran through his gambit. He knew what his posture should be when Kirk opened the door, how he should take each step across the floor, where he must place his hands when he sat at the chess board. Everything had been planned in minute detail. He was ready—

The door slid open (1 minute, 23 seconds before the appointed time), and startled Spock, who had not been expecting it. If he showed any signs of being startled- a slightly greater tenseness in his shoulder, perhaps, or a small widening in his eyes- he suspected that only the man who stood framed in the doorway would have noticed.

Kirk, however, did not seem to realize that he had surprised his first officer, and he beckoned Spock in with a wide grin on his face. Spock, whose research on flirting had revealed many fascinating things about nonverbal human communication, took careful note of Kirk’s posture. His body was constantly turned towards Spock, and his arms were open as he welcomed him in. Both relayed openness and attentiveness.

Spock, his careful planning forgotten either because of his surprise or because of the absentmindedness that usually came upon him in Kirk’s presence, when a focus on the man pushed all other thoughts from his mind, tried to match his posture to Kirk’s as he proceeded into the room. He had read that ‘mirroring’ a person’s posture and body language was an effective flirting technique.

“How’ve you been, Spock?” Jim asked cheerfully, motioning to the table as he began to remove the chess pieces from storage. Because this desk was used for work during the day, the board could not remain out indefinitely.

“Quite well, Jim. And yourself?” Although Spock knew Kirk had meant for him to sit, he forwent the offered chair in favor of assisting his friend with the setup of their game.

“Oh, good,” Jim replied. Spock waited patiently, and a moment later Kirk continued. “This new Yeoman they’ve given me, she’s nice and all, but she’s so quiet! Scared of her own shadow, too. Every time I try to talk to her, she stares at her feet, and she stutters whenever she tries to talk.”

“Perhaps she is impressed by you,” Spock suggested logically. It was not unlikely that the young woman, fresh out of the Academy if he remembered correctly, would be overawed by the youngest and bravest Captain in Starfleet.

Kirk’s troubled expression melted into a grin. “Is that flattery, Spock? I wouldn’t have expected that from you.”

“Not at all, Jim,” he replied, making his first move on the chess board. “You have many praise-worthy accomplishments which many people would find impressive.”

Kirk laughed, and although Spock had been speaking quite seriously, he was glad that his Captain was amused. Many of the sources he’d found had said that humor was an excellent method of flirtation. Spock, however, had no sense of humor, but Jim did, and he could find something amusing even in Spock’s logical statements. Spock wondered if this was a good sign for his success in this matter.

As the game went on, Spock’s attention was split between three things: the game (to which he gave the least amount, for he considered it almost inevitable that he would lose), the conversation (which he tied very hard to keep going, even when it lulled into a companionable silence), and his own body language. Even in Kirk’s presence, where his muscles seemed to naturally relax without his intending it, Spock still retained some of his strict Vulcan posture. Now, however, he tried to undo that, actively attempting to relax his shoulders and back, allowing his body to slouch back against the chair as he awaited Kirk’s next move or hunch over the board as he debated his own options.

Spock’s arms, which were usually kept at his sides or folded on the edge of the table, became a part of his relaxed posture. His forearms rested to either side of the board, for he had read that it showed a closed-off attitude to cross them before the body. His hands, so important in subtle Vulcan flirting, were employed now, though there was nothing sexual in their movements. Instead, Spock tapped the tabletop with his fingertips as he considered his next move, touched the different pieces he thought of moving, and made vague and meaningless motions as he spoke. All of these were motions he had observed done by humans, including Jim, and he hoped that it would make him seem more relaxed.

Kirk, however, did not seem to notice these things. On the contrary, once or twice Spock caught Jim with an expression that he might have labeled as concern. He could not imagine what might have cause Jim to be concerned about him. He had said nothing to suggest that he was in any way unhappy or unwell. More than that, he was doing everything he could think or to express calmness and happiness, even if such things did not come naturally to him.

“The next planet we’ll arrive at has no signs of life,” Kirk said, “but we’ve been asked to beam down a landing party to see if it has any minerals that might be valuable to Starfleet, and send back a report of what we find.”

“You want me to lead the landing party?” Spock asked to confirm.

“Yes; it shouldn’t take long. And after that, there’s another planet not far past that one. If everything goes well, we’ll be able to reach it during the same day.”

“Is there some significance to this planet?” Spock’s curiosity was piqued.

“Starfleet has some records of it. It’s rich in some kind of mineral they want. They say that there are life forms there, and they may be intelligent, but there’s no other information. They want us to investigate.”

“They hope to add this planet to the interstellar trade system?”

“Probably.” Kirk shrugged. “But some of the information suggests that the life forms may not welcome newcomers. We’ll have to be careful.”

“I see.”

“I’m going to lead the landing party myself,” Kirk said.

“I would like to accompany you,” Spock said. After a brief pause he added, “If that is acceptable.”

“Of course, Spock.” Kirk’s eyes held that look of concern for a second, but it disappeared so quickly Spock could not be certain he had identified it properly. “You don’t have to ask like that.”

“My apologies, Jim.”

“You don’t have to apologize either!”

“I-,” Spock, who had been about to apologize again, stopped short. Kirk shot him another look of concern then, realizing what had made Spock stop speaking, laughed.

There was silence between them and for a moment, Spock, caught up in trying to move his queen from a dangerous situation she had fallen into while his attention was elsewhere, was content to allow it to exist. He watched Kirk’s face as their pieces danced around the board, his queen fleeing and constantly being pursued. Jim’s expression was particularly grim and thoughtful, and Spock wondered what he was thinking of.

“I think Yeoman Connors had a crush on me,” Kirk said suddenly. Though Spock showed no outward signs of his surprise, what little attention he had been directing to the game was relocated, and he made a poor move which Kirk pitilessly responded to by taking his queen.

Spock paid little heed to his lose. “Yeoman Connors- the young woman you spoke of before?”

“Yes; I think that’s why she always stutters and can’t look me in the eye. She doesn’t act like that with anyone else.”

“Do you- do you return her affections?” Spock asked, unable to form any other coherent thought. He felt as though his body was slowly becoming numb, starting with his extremities and moving up. A sick feeling rose in his stomach as he awaited Kirk’s answer.

“No; I don’t like her.” If Spock’s control of himself had been only slightly lesser than it was, he might have breathed a sigh of relief. “I just don’t know what to do. I can’t work with her when she’s like this, but I can’t have her reassigned. Could you talk with her for me?” Jim’s eyes met Spock’s in a pleading, desperate expression.

“What would I say?” Spock asked, surprised by the request. Jim, charismatic and thoughtful, was always able to appeal to others, whether he did so though logic, emotions, or sheer force of personality. Spock, on the other hand, even when his logic was the best way to prove a point, tended to alienate others with his emotionless way of speaking. If he had been in Kirk’s position, he was the last person he would have asked for help in this matter.

“I can’t do it myself,” Jim explained. “It would be cruel. And I can’t ask Bones. He’d laugh at me and refuse. I don’t want to get anyone else involved. Look, I want to keep it a secret. If it got out that she had a crush on me and I rejected her, she’d be embarrassed. I know I can trust you not to tell.” He gave Spock a pointed look with the last statement, and Spock found himself nodding in agreement.

“You’ll talk to her?” Kirk asked, relief suffusing his features.

“I- I will,” Spock replied with a sinking feeling. He did not know what he would say. Perhaps he must research this as well.

“Good, then. It’s settled.” As he spoke, Jim moved his knight to put Spock’s king in check. “Good game, Spock.”

“Thank you, Jim,” Spock said, staring down at the board. The last few moved had occurred without his noticing at all. It was most disconcerting.

Kirk stood to put the board away. Spock continued to stare at it for a few moments, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at Jim expectantly.

“Are you sure you’ve been doing alright, Spock? You seem a little out of it today. You made some really bad moves at the end.”

“I am fine. I was merely…unsettles by your statement.”

“That I wanted you to talk to Yeoman Connors?” Kirk grimaced, and Spock nodded, even though he had been referring to what Jim had said before that, the statement that the Yeoman had a crush on him. “I know it’s not something you want to do, but I really can’t ask anyone else.”

“I understand.” Spock stood and assisted Kirk in putting away the remaining chess pieces. When everything had been properly stored and Spock was about to depart, he turned to Jim once more. The other man smiled broadly at him, the grin that Spock adored. Although smiling did not come naturally to Spock, for some reason he always felt the need to return Kirk’s bright grin. Aside from that, smiling was considered one of the most important parts of flirting.

Spock made an effort to lift the corners of his mouth ever so slightly, and was surprised by how quickly the unused muscles responded. Smiling seemed to come naturally to him when he was with Kirk.

Jim’s smile, on the other hand, faded, and he stepped forward to place a hand on Spock’s forehead. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright. You’re acting really strange. You don’t have a fever, do you? You haven’t been eating any chocolate?”

Spock could feel the blood rushing to his face in what humans referred to as a blush. He reached up and carefully removed Kirk’s hand from his face, thoroughly embarrassed. “I am quite well. I have not eaten any chocolate, and I am not ill.”

“I guess I wouldn’t be able to tell anyway, since you’re naturally warmer than I am,” Jim replied, still looking worried. “I want you to go see Bones, okay? Just a quick check up. I want to make sure you’re in peak condition to lead the landing party tomorrow.” Jim smiled again as he made up the excuse, which both he and Spock knew was said because nothing less would convince the half-Vulcan to report to the medbay.

“I will go,” Spock replied, eyes fixed on the ground. Even though Jim clearly had no idea what he had been doing, Spock was embarrassed that his attempts at flirting had been considered the ‘strange’ behavior of a drunk or feverish person.

“Good,” Jim said, smiling more earnestly. “I don’t want my first officer getting sick!” With this statement he accompanied Spock to the door and waved to him before it slid shut between them.

Spock stood in the hall, contemplating what he should do. He had given Jim his word that he would go to the medbay; he must do it. Moreover, this failure to communicate required that he seek more advice from the doctor. Spock turned, with some reluctance, not in the direction of his own quarters, but of the medbay.

 

A few minutes later, Spock was sitting on a bed in the medbay, telling Doctor McCoy about his attempts at flirting. As he did, the doctor gave him a physical exam, both to have an excuse for Spock’s presence if anyone entered, and to satisfy Kirk, who would surely ask for a report later.

“I understood that he would simply make it an order if he found out I had not report to medbay, so I came here as soon as we parted,” Spock finished.

“He actually thought you were drunk?” McCoy asked. He seemed to find Spock’s report quite amusing. Spock would have preferred he keep the sentiment to himself, however.

“He seemed to be more of the opinion that I had a fever,” Spock replied in clipped tones. He was quickly tiring of McCoy’s jokes at his expense.

“I’d say you’ve failed miserably at flirting,” the doctor replied, not bothering to hide his chuckle. Spock allowed the corners of his lips to tilt downward in a slight frown, to express his displeasure.

“If you’ll recall, doctor, you promised to assist me in this matter.” If a human had spoken with the same tone, they would have seemed only mildly annoyed. Coming from Spock, the slight change spoke volumes. “Perhaps you could give some advice?”

“It you, Mr. Spock, will recall,” McCoy replied cheerfully, “I only agreed to help you in this little conspiracy so that you would be able to keep Jim out of trouble. You’ve already assured me that he won’t drink, or run off with strange women, and that he puts a great deal of thought into all of his actions, even if he comes to conclusions I don’t like. What I wanted is already done.”

“Then you refuse to assist further?”

“Frankly, I don’t see what use I can be.” McCoy put away the tricorder and sat at his desk to finish writing up Spock’s health report. “It’s your own fault for not acting human enough. Now when you actually try to, it’s so out of character that people worry! And obviously your Vulcan flirting would never be noticed.” McCoy shrugged. “I honestly don’t know what to tell you.”

If Spock had been fully human, he might have sighed in dejection. “I understand,” he said instead. “I will try to devise some other way of flirting.”

“Maybe you should just give up on Jim,” McCoy said as Spock started towards the door. “From the sounds of it, he’s married to his work now. Either that or you should tell him straight up.”

Spock had already considered telling Kirk of his feelings. This choice, he had decided, involved too many risks if the outcome was not in his favor. As for giving up…

He would just have to think of some other way to get Jim’s attention.

 

******

 

Pain filled him, sweeping away all his senses, blocking out any rational thought. There was no sound, no color, no scent. His only awareness was of the pain, a sickening sharp throb that seemed to ebb and flow with every erratic beat of his heart. Then merciful numbness swept over him, and he knew no more.

 

The pain returned, bringing with it more sensations. The feeling of being carried, dragged, pushed around, every slight jostling doubling the pain he already felt. It was agony.

Spock tried, with all the power of his keen mind, to push the pain away enough to string together some kind of coherent thought, but he could not. All that existed within his mind was the information brought to him by his senses, and even this faded in and out when being thrown around caused the pain to increase.

There were voices, but he could not catch the words. Spock understood, on a level that was purely instinctual and had nothing to do with analysis of tone or pitch, that the voices were filled with panic and concern.

Spock did not know what he felt. The physical pain had destroyed every rational thought, leaving him in a primal state with emotions run raw and rampant. He could not name them, or comprehend what they were, which only served to distress him further. When he made an attempt to block them out, it seemed to have a physical effect on him, causing his pain to increase even further.

Thus Spock allowed himself to float suspended in a sensory and emotional chaos. Noises passed over him, and emotions raged within him, and he was unable to understand anything about them. Spock had never felt so powerless.

 

By and by he became aware of a strange emotion. It was not altogether calm, but it was strong and steady. It offered a solid foundation to which Spock could anchor himself, and he did so eagerly. As he did, he became aware of the source of the emotion. It was not his own, but someone else’s, shown to him by his Vulcan telepathy. A hand gripped his, as strong and solid as the emotion that came with it.

Spock took comfort from the hand, and from the emotions of the person it belonged to. Caught up in a sea of constantly changing and overwhelming emotions of his own, he clung to the unwavering emotion of the other person. At the same time, he subconsciously tightened his fingers around the hand, and felt them squeeze his in response. It was a greater comfort than anything.

 

After that, there were moments of clarity among the fog of pain and emotion. Spock was aware of the sensation of being beamed onto the ship, of being lifted onto a gurney and rushed to the medbay. During such moments, when his mental skills began to function once more, he tried to bring to mind what had happened to put him in this position.

The planet they had been exploring was rich in minerals that were valuable to Starfleet, and they had been sent to see if some arrangement could be made with the native people. The inhabitants were said to be intelligent, but Starfleet had no other information on them. When the landing party first arrived on the planet, although they had supposedly arrived at a site with a large population of beings, they saw no signs that any of the life forms were more intelligent than Earth animals.

They explored the planet, breaking into groups of two or three and wandering through the dense jungle. Spock and Uhura found what seemed to be a child of the native species playing in the jungle. Uhura attempted to communicate with the child using the universal translator, at which point an adult of the species, armed with rather primitive-looking weapons, emerged from among the trees. When Uhura tried to speak with him, he leveled his weapon at her and Spock, rather illogically, threw himself in front of her and took the blow on his own body. Everything after that was pain.

 

After arriving at medbay, Spock must have been given a sedative, because the next thing he was aware of, the pain had lessened a great deal and he was able to think somewhat more clearly. The hand that had gripped his as he was dragged through the jungle to where he could be beamed up was still there, fingers interlaced with Spock’s and palm pressed against his. Even though Spock’s own emotions had calmed, he was still grateful for the emotion he felt through that connection, and took strength and comfort from it.

Now that he could think clearly, Spock’s natural curiosity overcame him. Although he was not yet able to control his body, making it impossible for him to open his eyes ad see who was gripping his hand, his mental functions were already working at a high level. He began working to identify the emotion.

It was not a single emotion, but several together, all directed towards Spock. There was lingering concern, although Spock was fairly certain there was no need for it; now that he was on board the Enterprise, he would surely receive the best medical care available. There was affection, that of someone to a close friend or family member. There was respect, like that held by someone who acknowledged another’s skills or abilities. And one other emotion that Spock found somewhat difficult to identify.

It was one he had felt before; he knew that much. However, unlike other emotions, which after identifying he had locked away so as to remain logical and indifferent, this was one he had never considered in himself before. That was very strange; not like Spock at all. As he tried to remember when he had felt this emotion, it suddenly came to him with such force that he had no words for it.

It was love. The emotion he had felt for Jim longer than he’d known. He had not realized that he felt it, and it had grown without his knowledge until his subconscious forced him to take notice. Since then, he had never bothered to identify and suppress it.

Now, this person who was holding his hand, who had given him support and strength through one of the most frightening experiences of his life, was feeling the emotion of love, towards Spock. He wished he could open his eyes, to see who it was, but Spock still had no control over his body. He could not even tighten his fingers against the hand, to give his companion some indication that he was aware of their presence.

 

Spock did not know how much time had passed before he was able to fully gain consciousness, beyond a limited scope of thought, but he had the feeling that it had been a long time. Several days, perhaps even a week.

There was no one sitting beside him when he woke, even though that person had always been there before. Instead it was Dr. McCoy who came over to him when he began to wake, and immediately began running tests and asking how he felt. Spock answered as honestly as he could, and learned that he had been unconscious for six days.

He remained in the medbay for two more days, and on the second he was able to get out of bed and do some basic tasks, including the making a report on what had happened on the planet. He was constantly being visited by others wishing him good health as they came off of their shifts, until finally McCoy chased them away so Spock could sleep. At the end of those two days’ time, McCoy declared him fit to go back on active duty, although he recommended Spock stay away from physical labor for the next few days.

“Dr. McCoy,” Spock addressed the man as he was preparing to leave.

“Yes, Mr. Spock?” McCoy replied tersely. Having a crowd of visitors constantly coming and going from the medbay had put him in foul spirits, it seemed.

“Was there someone in the medbay while I was unconscious?” Spock had wanted to ask this question for a while, but the time never seemed right. He needed to know who it was that felt such emotions for him.

“Uhura was here for a while,” McCoy replied. “She felt responsible for your injuries. But it was Jim that was always around. Honestly, he’d spend all of his time off shift in here, and most nights he slept in that chair right there.” McCoy nodded to a chair that had been positioned to one side of the bed Spock had been lying in.

“He held my hand?” Spock asked slowly as all of the implications of this knowledge sank in.

“You felt it? I told him you probably couldn’t, since you were unconscious. But yeah, he did.”

“I…” Spock suddenly found it difficult to speak. He felt a tightness in his throat as strong emotions swelled within him, pushing at the bonds he had placed on them. “I must go speak with him.”

He left the medbay without a backward glance, not even waiting to hear the doctor’s reply.


	6. Step 4- Confront Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock confronts Kirk about what he felt across the telepathic link.

Spock moved as swiftly through the halls and passages of the ship as he was capable, without actually breaking into a run. As his muscles worked, so did his mind, running through all the different things he could say to Jim.

Spock could hardly believe what was happening. His greatest desire, which he had worked towards for so long, seemed to have been granted, suddenly and without reservations. As he thought, however, he realized that this was not so. There were still some issues that may keep him from his goal.

For one thing, although Spock had felt Kirk’s emotions through his telepathy, and was certain of what the other man felt, Kirk might not be so sure. It had taken Spock a very long time to realize what he felt for his Captain, and humans were not prone to the intense emotional introspection that Vulcans regularly engaged in. If Jim was not aware of his feelings, and even if he was, he may well deny them.

Kirk’s reputation with the officials of Starfleet, as well as with his crew and everyone else who had heard about Starfleet’s youngest Captain, was at stake if someone should find out that he desired another man as a partner. Spock, with his mixed heritage, had been subject to discrimination among both Vulcans and Humans; another characteristic that set him apart meant very little to him.

It was not so with Jim. Spock had inferred, from what Kirk had told him about his childhood, that Jim had probably been considered different by other humans in the past. Now, however, he was popular and well-liked by everyone he met. He might not want to risk losing that by admitting that he preferred men, or, indeed, by becoming involved with someone like Spock, a half-breed. Even if Kirk recognized what he felt, and would admit it to himself, he might deem it unwise to act on those emotions.

By the time Spock reached Jim’s room, the confidence and conviction he had felt upon leaving the medbay had greatly diminished. It was no longer a matter of what words he should use to admit what he felt for Kirk, but of whether he should admit it at all. He found himself standing outside Jim’s door, with no plan whatsoever. This was a rare occurrence for him, and one he found unsettling. Spock might have remained there for hours, debating what and how much he should say, had the door not slid open before him.

“Spock!” Jim cried, obviously surprised to find his First Officer standing outside his door. His expression was one Spock judged to be of mixed happiness and concern. “Did Bones let you leave? How are you feeling?”

“I am well, Jim, although the doctor recommends that my workload not include any physical labor for the next few days.”

“I figured. Don’t worry about it. I’ve had someone covering you while you were out, and they’ll be fine to take it for a few more days. You just relax and focus on getting better.”

“Captain, I-” The look Kirk gave him at that moment clearly said that there was no argument he could use to change the man’s mind. “Very well, Captain.”

“That’s Jim,” the other man replied as his lips curved into a smile Spock had never seen before. It was not the usual bright grin that was so often on his face, but a smaller, gentler smile. Kirk’s features were always animated, and so easily showed his thoughts; it had always fascinated Spock. The emotion in this expression, however, was not one he could identify.

Then the smile fell away, into a look that seemed to hold traces of sorrow and pain. Spock was alarmed, but before he could move towards his Captain, Jim’s hand reached out to him. “Spock,” the man said softly, eyes flicking between Spock’s face and his own hand extended between them. He seemed to hesitate, and Spock sensed that it was because Jim did not wish to make him uncomfortable by touching him.

Then Jim’s hand reached further and settled on Spock’s arm. “I’m glad you’re okay, my friend.” His tone held more emotion than Spock could identify. He felt suddenly as though this moment held great significance for his Captain, although he himself had no recognition of it.

Then Jim’s hand fell. “I don’t know what we’d do without our First Officer,” he said, in a tone that screamed of false cheerfulness. Spock wondered when he had become so adept at reading his Captain.

He thought back to a conversation that had occurred between them much earlier, when he had first attempted to approach Kirk in order to build a friendship. At that time, Jim had said quite seriously that he would rather risk his own life than the lives or his crew. He had said that he would trust Spock to lead them in his place should anything happen to him. “You would find a new First,” Spock replied solemnly.

Jim’s eyes widened at that response. Then he smiled, but there was no joy in his expression. “Sure, Spock,” he said, and Spock somehow knew that there was nothing of agreement in the phrase.

“Spock, why don’t you sit down?” Kirk continued in feigned cheerfulness. “I don’t want you to strain yourself. Can I get you anything? Tea, maybe?” He started toward the replicator, but Spock interrupted him.

“Please sit, Jim,” Spock said as he eased himself onto the couch, ignoring the slight twinge of pain that came from bending his body. The other man immediately dropped onto the cushions next to him.

Spock eyed his Captain appraisingly, wondering what was causing him to act in such an uncharacteristic manner. It was very unlike Jim to hide what he felt from others. Generally he was entirely honest about what he felt, and cared very little if his honesty might insult someone. Moreover, the two of them had forged a very close friendship, and Jim had shared with him many things that Spock doubted anyone else other than McCoy might know. There was no reason for Jim to feign cheerfulness around him.

“Are you feeling well, Jim?” he asked, and the other man’s eyes widened in surprise. Then his expression softened into that same tender smile from moments before.

“I’m fine, Spock. I just…” He glanced away almost hesitantly, and then looked back at Spock. “I was worried.”

“I am fine, Jim,” Spock assured him firmly. “Dr. McCoy is a most able physician. My injuries are almost completely healed; he would not have allowed me to leave the medbay if it were otherwise.”

“I know that. Bones is cranky, but he knows what he’s doing. I’m talking about before…” He trailed off, and Spock knew it was because whatever had come to mind was painful for him.

“Before…?” he prompted gently.

“On the planet.” Kirk explained. “I was so afraid. You wouldn’t respond no matter what we did, and the communicators wouldn’t work, and then they couldn’t find us to beam us up…” His words came louder and faster as he spoke, panic rising again as he remembered the incident.

“Jim!” Spock said sharply, cutting him off. The other man stared at him, surprised by the outburst. “Jim,” Spock repeated, more softly. “I am fine. There is no point in thinking on what might have happened. It will only cause you unneeded stress.”

Although stress was the word he used, Spock understood that his Captain was feeling more than that when recalling what had happened. The man felt pain and distress, from memories and thoughts of what might have been, even though Spock stood before him now in near-complete health. Spock had little enough experience with such emotionally charged situations, yet he wanted to offer some comfort. He knew that he didn’t have the words to express that, but he also knew that humans took comfort simply from touch.

Spock reached out hesitantly and laid his hand on Jim’s forearm. Touching his hand, Spock knew, would have been a violation of his privacy. But Kirk took that choice out of his control, shifting so that Spock’s palm was pressed against Jim’s own and lacing their fingers together, just as he had while Spock was unconscious.

Spock’s body stiffened at the sudden rush of emotions through the connection. Traces of the anxiety and anguish from remembering Spock’s injury, feelings of doubt and confusion, yet still the strong emotions he had felt as Jim held his hand during that fateful time. A spark of sadness, and Jim started to pull back, thinking that Spock was upset with him for the touch.

Spock tightened his grip on Kirk’s hand. “It is alright, Jim,” he said softly. “I am not angry with you.” He felt and saw the man relax, and Jim squeezed his hand in thanks. The anxiety was fading, but the doubt grew stronger, and Spock knew, suddenly and with complete certainty, that this was the same doubt and confliction he had felt while standing outside his Captain’s door, wondering if his feelings would be returned.

Joy swelled in his heart, and for once Spock did not try to restrain it. So strong was the emotion that he would not have been surprised if Jim felt it across their link. He stroked his thumb across Kirk’s soothingly. “I am here, and I will never leave your side.”

Jim’s blue eyes met his, and Spock could see the exact moment when he realized what Spock meant. The doubt vanished, replaced by hesitant hope and growing joy. “I love you,” Jim whispered softly, as though he barely dared to believe what was happening.

“And I you,” Spock answered solemnly, his voice only barely betraying the happiness he felt. Spock gazed into Jim’s clear blue eyes, content for the moment to simply bask in the joy of love finally admitted and accepted. Without thinking, he continued to run his thumb gently against the side of Jim’s hand, kissing him in the Vulcan way. Jim leaned forward slowly, almost cautiously, though now he surely understood that his advances would not be rejected. It was more like he was savoring the moment, committing every detail to memory to be treasured later. His eyes slid shut as their lips met, kissing the human way.

The first kiss was chaste and gentle, but when they pulled apart Jim was panting, and Spock noted, rather vaguely, that his own breath and heart rates were up as well. They held one another’s gaze for a fraction of a second before they kissed again, more fiercely. It was Spock who took the initiative in an uncharacteristic display of haste, sliding his tongue against Jim’s cool lips. His captain –his lover- opened his mouth with a soft moan, allowing Spock’s tongue to enter and explore his mouth. Kirk’s hands moved up to fist in Spock’s hair and shirt, preventing him from moving away –not that he’d ever want to.

“Spock,” Kirk gasped when they finally broke apart, the need for oxygen forcing them to pause.

“Jim,” he replied, kissing the other man’s cheek.

“Mm.” Kirk’s active hands had moved down from Spock’s shoulders and were pulling at the edge of his shirt, brushing against the heated skin beneath it. “I think it’s time we got this off of you.”

Spock felt a thrill of excitement run through his body as he pulled away from Jim to tug his shirt over his head. He dropped it haphazardly on the ground and attempted to return the gesture, but Jim was eagerly exploring his body, his touch and the coolness of his hands both making Spock shiver, and he refused to lift his arms to remove the shirt.

Groaning softly, Spock let the fabric fall from his hands, content simply to touch his lover through the layer of cloth. Jim was aggressive, but it was not unexpected, given the man’s personality. When Spock had thought of doing this, when he had allowed himself to do so, he had always known Jim would not be a fragile or hesitant lover.

“Bed,” Spock suggested, logic fighting against pleasure to assert itself within his mind. Kirk made a noise of acknowledgement, and they began to move towards the door of Jim’s private quarters, stumbling occasionally because they refused to fully separate. When they reached the door, Spock pushed Jim against it with such force he felt the rush of breath into their kiss. He kissed Kirk’s jaw apologetically, though he knew he hadn’t done any real damage- Jim was quite strong, for a human.

Their bodies were pressed tightly together, and the effects of their activities on both of them were obvious. Jim bucked his hips against Spock’s, pressing his hardness against the other man’s thigh, and Spock nipped admonishingly at the skin just below his ear. Spock pulled back, taking advantage of his position to push Jim’s shirt up over his head, and Kirk began to fumble with the entry pad of the door. He was forced to stop momentarily when the shirt came off, but soon after the door slid open behind him. With the door no longer supporting him, Jim stumbled backwards. Spock was nearly dragged down with him, but managed to recover his balance in time to steady the other man. They dragged and pushed one another the few feet left towards the bed, until finally they collapsed onto it, Jim pinned beneath Spock.

Spock pressed kisses against Kirk’s jaw and neck as the other man’s fingers fumbled with the catch of his pants. One of Jim’s hands slipped into his pants and touched Spock, and he bit down on Jim’s shoulder with a groan. Using one arm to support himself above Jim, Spock slid his other hand over the taut muscles of Jim’s chest and stomach, and quickly undid his lover’s pants. They broke apart for a second to kick off the restrictive clothing before meeting again, fully naked, skin flush against skin.

One of Spock’s hands held one of Jim’s above the other man’s head, their fingers laced together, palm against palm. Spock could feel Jim’s passion through the link, and it excited him further. His free hand roamed over the smooth expanse of skin before him, from shoulder to chest to hip and back up again. Jim flashed him a sultry grin as his own hand slid downward to wrap around both of their erections, drawing moans from both of them with slow strokes.

Spock moved his hand to cup Jim’s face, gazing into blue eyes turned nearly black with lust. Jim’s tongue darted out and wrapped around his thumb, drawing it into his mouth. Spock let out a strangled groan as the soft, wet tongue slid against the tender pad of his thumb and sharp teeth lightly grazed the knuckle. Jim’s hand that was entwined with Spock’s pulled away to wrap around the hand pressed against his cheek, guiding it so that the thumb slipped from his lips then taking the first and second finger into his mouth. The wet tongue laved against each digit in turn, caressing it and twining around it.

Spock panted against Jim’s neck, kissing and nibbling the sensitive skin. His free hand moved down to join Jim’s around their weeping erections. As their hands touched, he saw a flash of an image that must have been from Jim’s mind, and suddenly knew what Jim wanted him to do with those fingers he’d been licking. It sent a bolt of fire down his spine to his groin, and his hand tightened around Jim’s.

Their eyes met and Spock slid his fingers from Jim’s mouth, quickly leaning down to kiss the swollen red lips. His hand slipped between Jim’s legs, reaching behind him. His slick fingers slid between Jim’s buttocks to touch the tight ring of muscle. Jim groaned into the kiss and lifted his legs to wrap around Spock’s waist, giving Spock better access to his entrance.

Spock gently stroked the tip of one finger against the pucker, testing to see what reaction it got. For a moment Jim’s hand stilled between them, and Spock could feel his chest begin to tremble. Spock’s own body was shaking, with the effort of restraining himself. But he proceeded with care, pressing the tip of one finger against the muscles until it broke through. Jim made a strange, strangled sort of noise and squirmed against Spock.

“Come on,” he said, his voice raised into a whine. “You’re driving me crazy, Spock! I’ve done this before; you won’t break me!”

It if had been under any other circumstances, Spock might have demanded to know what Jim had done, and with whom, but at this moment his mind was preoccupied with other things. Things like the feel of tight muscles clenching and rippling over his finger, nearly as sensitive as his cock. He let out a shaky breath and moved the finger out before pressing in again. Jim’s hips shifted a little beneath him, and the tip of his finger brushed something. He felt Jim’s flare of pleasure through their hands joined around their cocks, and pressed that place again.

Jim broke off their kiss and moaned, his eyes rolling back in bliss. “More,” he gasped. “Please, Spock, more.”

Spock added the second slicked finger to the first, stretching Kirk further, but the other man did not seem to be in any pain. The feel of Jim’s tight walls around his fingers was better than the feel of the hand around his cock, perhaps even better than the feel of Jim’s tongue against his fingers. It was a pleasure unlike anything Spock had ever experience before.

He could feel the trembling in Jim’s body increase. “Spock,” he panted, “not gonna… last much longer.”

“Jim,” Spock whispered against the other man’s neck as his fingers pressed that spot within him again and again. “Yes, do it. Come for me, Jim.”

That was all it took. Jim came, moaning Spock’s name over and over. His inner walls clamped down on Spock’s fingers as waves of pleasure tore through him, and his hot seed splattered against their bodies, against Spock’s sensitive hand. It was more than enough to send Spock over the edge as well.

When he finally floated down from the heights of pleasure, Spock slid his fingers from Jim’s body. The other man groaned softly, but at Spock’s concerned look he smiled tiredly to show that he was uninjured. Jim pulled the sheets over them and kissed Spock’s lips lightly. “Computer, lights off,” Jim said, and they were bathed in darkness. “You’d better not think about leaving before I wake up,” Jim warned with a smile Spock could see despite the darkness.

“Never,” Spock replied with the utmost seriousness. “I told you that I would not leave your side. I meant it.”

Jim kissed him again. “I know. I love you, Spock.”

“And I you, Jim,” Spock replied as they settled themselves under the blankets. “I love you as well.”


	7. Step 5- Make Sure He Never Leaves You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock and Jim discuss the future of their relationship, and Bones pays a visit.

The first thing Spock was aware of when he woke was a coolness he did not usually feel when in his own rooms. Then recalled that he had spent the night in Jim’s bed, and his lips turned upward in the barest hint of a smile at the memory. As he shifted into a sitting position, his injuries, no doubt aggravated by last night’s activities, sent bolts of pain shooting through his body.

Jim was still asleep beside him. He had kicked off the blankets that had been over them the previous night, probably overheated between the blankets and Spock’s natural body heat. Spock watched for a moment as he slept. The man’s usually animated face was smooth and calm. Spock had no illusions about his Captain’s attitude towards his responsibilities. Even at his most flippant, Kirk always bore the weight the lives of all his crewmembers squarely upon his shoulders. Now, though, he seemed to be truly at peace. Spock was glad to know his Captain had at least some relief from the responsibilities of command, if only in sleep.

Jim’s eyes clenched shut and he moaned softly. Spock watched, fascinated, as Jim slowly came to life, his limbs twitching in turn, his eyes blinking, first opened just a crack, them more, until finally they stayed open. He looked up at Spock, his expression charmingly confused, before it changed into one of realization, then awe, and finally a broad grin of satisfaction. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” Spock replied, unable and, on a whole, unwilling to keep the small smile from his face as he gazed back at his lover. Jim sat up with a soft groan and wrapped one of his cool arms around Spock’s shoulders. Spock tried to suppress a shiver, but Jim felt it, and his expression immediately turned to one of concern.

“Are you too cold? Here, the blanket. Perhaps we should have done this in your rooms.” Jim wrapped his blanket around Spock, fussing over him. Spock caught Jim’s cool hands in his, holding them tightly. It was too early for Jim to being worrying again.

“I am fine, Jim,” he insisted.

“Hm.” Jim wrapped his arms around Spock from behind and kissed the back of his neck. “How about a hot shower? We could both use one.”

“That would be-” Spock stopped mid-sentence. This was Jim, his lover, his closest friend. There was no reason to speak so formally. “Yes,” he said instead, and was rewarded with a bright grin.

 

Almost half an hour later, as they were just stepping out of the shower, there was a knock on the door of Jim’s rooms. He gave Spock a quick kiss before wrapping a bathrobe around his body and going to answer the door. Spock took a towel from the rack and began to dry himself.

He wasn’t going to step out of the bathroom and make himself visible to whoever had come to the door, Spock decided. He would let Jim decide if and when their relationship became public. Jim was the Captain, the youngest in Starfleet, and had been given his position mainly as a reward for his actions during the Narada battle. He had proven himself worthy of the position again and again, but Starfleet still kept a closer watch on him than any of their other captains. If there was the slightest hint of incompetence, or, indeed, a relationship with a subordinate that could be misconstrued as sexual harassment, then Jim might lose his captaincy, and even his entire career. Spock understood how important Kirk’s position was to him. He would not endanger that selfishly.

However, as his sharp ears recognized McCoy’s voice, he saw that there was no need to hide. McCoy already knew, and he was no more likely to endanger Jim’s career than Spock was. “Jim, have you seen that pointy-eared hobgoblin? He’s not in his rooms; I need to make sure he didn’t pass out doing one of his experiments.”

He heard Jim’s warm chuckle. “Spock’s fine, Bones. Actually…” It was quite clear what that tone meant. Jim’s towel around his waist, Spock stepped out of the bathroom and through the bedroom to stand in the open doorway.

Jim grinned at him, then looked at McCoy expectantly. The doctor’s eyes widened, although when he spoke it became clear that he was not surprised by what he’d seen.

“Well it’s about damn time!” McCoy exclaimed. “Haven’t you two been pussyfooting around each other for long enough? And you,” he pointed at Spock, “I thought I’d given you pretty clear instructions, but nooo, it took you  _months_  to seal the deal!”

Spock felt a flush rise to his cheeks. Jim looked from him to the doctor curiously. “What do you mean?” he asked. “What instructions?”

McCoy snorted. “Spock here was asking me for relationship advice.” He explained, then muttered, “I’m a doctor, not a life coach!” 

Jim stared at Spock in amazement. “You went to Bones?”

“I…was uncertain of how to approach you.” Spock attempted to explain, feeling foolish.

“For how long?” Jim asked sharply. He seemed to be angry, and Spock was taken aback.

“I don’t understand.”

“For how long have you wanted me? Bones said it was for  _months_.”

“I had wanted to become your friend from the beginning of this mission.” Spock said. That, after all, had been the first step in building up to a romantic relationship. “I became aware of my…sexual attraction to you,” Spock saw McCoy roll his eyes as he said it, “approximately four months ago.” 

“You should have just told me,” Jim replied, almost pouting. Spock defended himself.

“At that time, I did not even know if you considered me a friend.”

“Well, maybe not then. But sooner. Once we got to be friends.”

“I…” Jim seemed to be upset, though Spock could not understand why. It didn’t seem that he was angry that Spock had gone behind his back to ask for advice, but he could not imagine why the slow buildup to a sexual relationship had angered him.

Jim seemed so sense his confusion. “I’m not mad!” he said quickly. “I just wish we hadn’t wasted so much time. We can’t do that any more. I mean, look what happened to you on a routine mission!”

They had wasted time. And Jim did not want to waste any more. Spock could not believe this man was suggesting what he seemed to be. “Do you…Jim, you want a bond with me?”

“Bond, marriage, anything you call it,” Jim replied, grinning broadly. Obviously he was thrilled with the prospect. Spock frowned.

“The bond is no light matter. It is permanent, and-”

“Good.” Jim replied quickly. His expression was stubborn. As usual, once he’d set his mind on something, there was no talking him out of it. But Spock knew him well enough to understand that no decision was ever made lightly. “I want it to be permanent. I love you, Spock. And you’re my closest friend. I want to be with you, forever.”

“Oh, please!” McCoy cried suddenly. Both Spock and Jim stared at him; they had nearly forgotten about his presence, so caught up were they in their own discussion. “You two are so sweet it’s giving me diabetes! If you’re going to make gooey eyes at one another, at least wait until I’m out of the room!” Having spoken, the doctor turned and stormed out, leaving them alone.

Jim laughed. “Ignore Bones,” he said, wrapping his arms around Spock’s neck. “He’s cranky, but he’s a romantic at heart.”

“Dr. McCoy, romantic?” Spock asked, letting a small smile grace his lips.

Kirk smiled. “You’ll just have to trust me on this,” he said, leaning in to kiss Spock.

“I trust you, Jim. I trust you completely.”


End file.
